Good morning to all of my sewing tribe out there. This topic has been on my mind a lot lately and since we have discussed so many of the so called ” rules” of how to dress our curves I thought I might offer my thoughts on this subject.
Is there really a “rule” that older women can only be seen in public if we cover our arms? I suspect there are also curvy younger women out there who believe this. I have been one of those women who had strong feelings about this in the past, so I do understand the logic. My younger sister still believes this rule with all her heart. But since this is my new motto, my thinking on this subject has changed.
If we can embrace horizontal stripes, waistbands, miniskirts, and everything else in the world that regular women wear why can’t we embrace the right to bare arms?
Do we really feel that the fashion police will round us all up for exposing this little bit of skin?
Listen I have very chunky arms that waddle when I lift my arms. When I make sleeves I do have to do my BAA (Beefy Arm Adjustment). But I have come to understand that in a room full of people at a wedding, the topic of conversation will not be about my exposed arms or the fact that they waddle! ?
I made that lovely Cashmerette Washington Dress for my son’s upcoming wedding this summer and of course I made it with sleeves. After all, I am the ” mother of the groom” so I felt I might be on display. And the pictures, will be forever. Oh horror that my arms might show!
Since my change of heart I have rethought this option. Don’t get me wrong, I still love this dress. But really, I have a strong funky vibe to my personality and it really seems just a bit sedate! So I have made another dress. This one!
I used a fun border print and I am very happy with the outcome.
It is just a simple T-shirt dress and I love it. This is an outdoor summer wedding and just feels more fun and in line with me. As you can see the arms are still chunky but I think I look perfect in this dress. After it is properly pressed it will be perfect.
Now, what is your opinion? Do you think I am making a mistake? Would you go sleeveless in the summer or expose your arms? Could I change your mind, and get you to rethink your position – because I sure can’t change my sisters mind.
I think the second dress is amazing, the first is lovely as well. If someone has a problem with your arms showing that is their problem, not yours. Wear that dress with pride, it’s awesome.
The sleeveless dress looks tons better! Your look very vibrant, lively, approachable in it and it looks like you are having fun already. The dress with sleeves would be OK for an office or similarly formal situation but does not say ‘wedding’ for me at all. And like other readers I think that sleeveless dress is so good that your arms even do not get noticed. Trust your instincts;)
I spent my working adult life in an occupation where my arms were always at least partially covered, and many of those years were spent in countries where my arms *had* to be covered to below the elbow except in the privacy of my own home. My native land is generally chilly and not conducive to the frequent wearing of sleeveless garments, except very occasionally or for certain specific purposes.
Imagine my surprise when I found myself living in Australia, then – and not in the Snowy Mountains or Tasmania! I initially felt very self-conscious indeed to have naked arms, but I soon realised no-one looked. Why would they?
Now I’m back in chilly old England and I wish it was warm enough to wear sleeveless clothing more often, without always having to have a cardi handy. No-one ever says anything when my fat arms are naked, though – other than to comment on the fact that I’m being optimistic about the weather!
Elaine, Your use of the border print was perfect. No wonder you felt great! You looked awesome. I will try to replicate this dress. Love the way it creates the hourglass figure.
This was a single border print fabric. A light weight sweater knit from Marcy Tilton. Because the border was only on one edge it was kind of a fabric hog. The skirt was a 1/4 circle skirt. I worried that the border would not fit properly along the bottom of the skirt so I put the border at the waist line. I love how the border now forms a kind of droop across the front and seems to dangle down the sides of the dress?. I also had to use the less stretchy grain line to get the print right. There was a lot more stretch on the cross grain of the knit. So I did size up one size in case the dress was too tight with less stretch.
I subscribe to CSC and always read these opinion posts but have never commented until now. As I was reading your post about your arms, I noticed that on the first dress, your arms were hidden and the the dress looked more like for the office; kind of “safe”, as one reader already pointed out. But as I scrolled down reading and saw the second, I was totally blown away! I never noticed your arms at all!-not that it matters. You created such a masterpiece with that dress pattern and how you arranged the border print! It seems to reflect your personality. I immediately thought that I want to go to the fabric store and buy a border print and do exactly what you did. I always saw border prints but never could figure in my mind how to arrange it. BRAVO!! Please wear that one!!
While the first dress is fine, the second one is really good! I’m not sure if it’s the proportion of the dress on you, or the placement of the border print, but you look well dressed and well put together in it. Enjoy the wedding!
I think you look great Elaine, have made the same decision about my mother of the groom’s dress this summer and my arms are far bigger than yours. Only three weeks to go and still on the toile! Why do I do this?
Three weeks is enough? Pitter patter lets get at ‘er.
I have struggled with this issue for years. Not so much worrying about some imagined rule for bigger ladies, but more how I feel about myself. My arms have always been on the bigger side and more than a tad flabby. Add to that the large and very noticeable stretchmarks that appeared on my shoulders as a teen (yay puberty? *snort*) and you have a formula that equaled my never going sleeveless.
Except….
Last summer, I dunno, I had a sort of realization? Something along the lines of “I am almost forty, it’s too damn hot, and I don’t care anymore!”, and I threw on a strappy cami (with no cover up! *gasp*) and stomped out of the house.
I’d like to say I wasn’t hugely self conscious, I’d like to say I’m not self conscious still; but what I can say is: I’m working on it.
Dress #2! You look great in both but I like the second best.
I find the sleeveless dress more attractive. It has personality and movement and a whole put-together look I don’t see in the other one. I find the arms less”noticeable” in the sleeveless dress. That said, I feel the dress that you think expresses your own personality and that you feel most comfortable and natural in is usually the best choice.
The second dress is fabulous you look amazing in it
Can you tell us the pattern number?
Thanks a fellow Canadian from Calgary
I can’t comment on the dress right now. More to follow in the future!
Wow! I was flying home and finding lost luggage today so I missed all the comments until now. Thankyou all for the amazing comments. I wore the border print dress all day on Saturday at the weddding. I felt amazing. I did not even take a jacket or shawl. Weather was amazing and beautiful late into the night. Thank you all for the wonderful comments. We should never forget our real personalities and try to hide in our clothing.
Go with what you feel and you do look much happier in the second dress – go with it 🙂 I have been feeling the same but have realisedI I am a long time dead! My children and grandchildren love me as I am and are so pleased I can have time with them to celebrate milestones. I don’t actually notice arms/bodies and I think no one else who is happy does either – they are too busy enjoying life. Go on and enjoy yourself 🙂
Looks great, who makes up these ridiculous rules. Life is too short to not enjoy what you wear and feel cool. At 64 My arms are on show all summer. Interesting movements during Zumba. Go girl
I love it; I think it flatters you. We should look our best; not hide if we don’t think we are perfect!
I can say this with complete honesty: I’m a BIG gal and it had never occurred to me until right now not to wear sleeveless things. I don’t know why. I guess it either slipped my mind that my arms are large and in charge, or it just didn’t occur to me that some people will not like them. They are arms for crying out loud.
I just…I’m still kind of thinking about this. I don’t understand why someone wouldn’t want another woman to bare her arms.
I vote for dress #2, but just because it’s more fun looking! 🙂
I absolutely love the second dress & The two pictures of you with & without sleeves are astounding. The first dress makes you look old & the second one is gorgeous on you. Well done. You’ve convinced me to try sleeveless even though my arms are much larger than yours.
Thank you! I have a sleeveless-optional dress all cut out and ready to sew, but I just couldn’t convince myself to add the not-my-style split sleeve while I also could not bear the idea of allowing myself to let my floppy arms free. I’m going to let my wings fly!
Three years ago I read this post from knitwear designer Amy Herzog and had a light bulb moment. Why am I covering my arms out of shame and embarrassment? Not worth it. Plus sleeveless dresses are easier to wear with cardigans.
http://www.amyherzogdesigns.com/2013/06/14/ff-floppy-upper-arms/
Go the sleeveless dress! I actually think that encasing the said arms in fabric only serves to draw the eye. The second dress is obviously meant for you, you shine in it!
My arms are also generous but it only makes them better hugging machines, my family don’t mind being enveloped in them at all. Should you feel concious or a little bare for the photos can I suggest a light shawl?
I love the second dress on you. It’s beautiful and perfect for a wedding. While I like the first dress, I wonder if it would look better with flutter sleeves? Of course, I’m not an expert by any stretch of the imagination.
No one will notice your bare arms. We can all bare our arms if we desire. I admit to being flabbergasted (in my mind) when I saw a pair of the previously mentioned Daisy Duke butt cheeks when I was on the walking path on Saturday. I don’t think I’d ever seen that before.
Actually the sleeveless version suits you much better I think! If it were me I’d take a cardi or something JIC i get cold or have a crisis of confidence! My very pale Mum visited from the UK recently, we travelled north to ‘the sun’ to show her it does exist and I suggested she try some tanning moisturiser. She was over the moon with the result. Its not like it made her milky white skin brown or anything but it did warm up the tome just a tad. Perhaps a little on your arms might make you happier when you see the photos?!!
Just a suggestion, no need for hate mail folks! Excellent dress – congratulations x
Elaine, you look beautiful in the border print dress and I prefer it over the first dress with sleeves. Just dress for yourself….you’ll never go wrong.
Elaine, You should be able to wear what you want. I think you have nothing to worry about and tell the fashion police to buzz off. Besides that you are an attractive woman and you have the right to bare arms! Thank you, Kathy from Arizona
The second dress is absolutely gorgeous and you look radiant! Wear it!
Dress 1 is nice, but I adore dress 2 – the print is lovely, and I think it has more personality. And I agree – free the arms!
I love dress #2! I am guilty of not wearing sleeveless tops out of the house, as I hate my big arms, even if it is extremely hot out. I am trying to get over this, but I really hate my arms. Plus, I get sores on my arms and don’t like to show those. My mom is in the boat that “I don’t care, I just want to be comfortable” and it works for her. I am just not to that place yet. A facebook friend just posted an article about not wanting to be in pictures because of being over weight and I am at that place. I really want to take pictures of my sewing creations, but I am afraid to see how I look in pictures verses what I see in the mirror. I look big in the mirror, but I always look bigger in the photo. I have always been very self conscious about my weight and my big chest and arms. I am at my highest weight ever (even higher than when I was pregnant with any of my three kids), and I am trying to work on that.
Gosh Stephanie this is the PERFECT place to post a picture of you in your creations. You might find than you look better than your think you do and folks here would love to see what you make.
I adore dress number 2! The sleeves on dress number one looked a little snug and not nearly as flattering as the nicely fitted armholes of dress 2. Of course, there may be sleeve considerations at a wedding in a church. But since this an outdoor wedding, dress 2 looks perfect!
ETA: I don’t usually wear sleeveless tops and I’m not sure why not. I’ve probably been brainwashed by the fashion police that I’m “too big” for sleeveless. I may have to explore some sleeveless options.
I love your sleeveless rendition with the border print! I think it is definitely more fun, but you look fabulous in both dresses.
I personally shy away from sleeveless garments not because of my arms, but because of my hairy pits. I normally feel as though I must at least give them a trim first, which is just enough of a barrier that I usually avoid garments that don’t have at least a hint of sleeve.
I say please wear what makes you happy, all the time. We must wear clothing in order to be appropriate and also clean, and I do think that there are places where the “freedom to express ourselves” has gone too far; such as short shorts and camis in school. Thats not necessarily because the clothing, by itself is wrong, its because kids no longer understand the importance of school. Let them be comfortable so that they can learn, but the casualness that has pervaded takes away from the “work environment” of school. But, as I digress, a dress like your border print one is for a party; you will be celebrating your son’s wedding. This is a time for joy and happiness. The border print dress seems happier and more joyful. The other one will be nice for Thanksgiving, when the air is a little cooler, and sleeves will feel good. It is pretty too, but maybe not quite as joyful.
I rarely go bare armed even in the summer for several reasons. I think I look better in a short sleeve rather than sleeveless. I’ve worked jobs that had ‘no sleeveless’ dress codes so it became a habit. As I’ve aged, my once firm upper arms have become flappers. And, finally, even in hot weather if I choose to go sleeveless, most restaurants and businesses are super air conditioned and I get cold-so that half sleeve comes in handy. I say wear what works for you. I was asked to make a bridesmaid dress for a woman who was so embarrassed by her upper arms. She asked me to add sleeves to her dress. The (thinner, younger) bridesmaids’ dresses were black with thin shoulder straps and it was a summer wedding. I omitted the shoulder straps and made it a sheath with three quarter length (black) lace sleeves. She was so happy she cried when she saw the finished dress–and she has worn that dress several times since the wedding. So the moral of my story is–going sleeveless is not a do or die decision for most women. Some of us are quite comfortable matching our options with the setting.
I much prefer the sleeveless dress. The one with sleeves looks kind of frumpy, but the sleevelss border print looks great!
PPS. I think the sleeveless one looks WONDERFUL on you. I can tell you like it better – you look happier. Wear it. It’s gorgeous1
Go sleeveless, I just did for my son’s wedding…arms are arms…no one expects skinny model’s arms from a mother of the groom. Enjoy the day and stay cool!
Sleeveless one every time. looks great!
Sigh. The comment system just ate my reply. Suffice it to say, you look wonderful in the sleeveless dress. I see no reason to hide your arms ever. I LOVE what you did with the border print. If you think it’s not dressy enough for a wedding (I think it’s fine), then add jewelry and a fancy belt, or make another in a more luxe fabric.
The second one for sure! And I think it makes you look younger too!
Here’s what I don’t get – Why is it okay if I have to put up with thong lines, too much bra cleavage, muffin tops and daisy duke buttcheeks on my slimmer sistahs but everyone is in a funk that my arms jiggle when I raise them in the air and wave ’em like I just don’t care?
Serious double standard here! So I say it is our right to bare our arms and who cares if anyone disagrees!
BTW, I love the second dress and if voting is allowed…I’m casting mine for it!
Enjoy the wedding!
Thank you! I will be adopting this “devil may care” attitude regarding my arms this summer. 🙂
I love your new dress. It’s perfect for a summer outdoor wedding. It looks like a happier dress for a happy occasion. And you don’t notice your arms cause your looking at the bright dress and your smile.
I concur with everyone else. The sleeveless dress is actually more flattering on you than the other one. It may be the sleeve length. The sleeves make your shapely waistline disappear as they look like one continuous width of fabric across your torso when your arms are down by your side. I also second guess myself, but when I do, and I feel I need a sleeve, I just shorten them. Even a little cap sleeve gives me the feeling of coverage that I sometimes want, but at least I don’t feel like my torso is proportionately wider than the rest of me. Go with the sleeveless – it’s very wedding-ish!.
Definitely the sleeveless dress- it looks bright and fun and your arms look totally fine! I’m mid 40s and have been covering them up since I was about 20! In the last few years I have lost some weight and now I have saggy bingo wings and they probably look the worst they ever have but I also have come to the realisation that no one is looking at them so I’m finally going sleeveless and I’m sort of sad about the fact that I spent decades covering them up. I still wear sleeves to work because I am static long enough for them to be noticed!
Elaine, The sleeveless dress is beautiful and you look beautiful in it. You should wear it proudly – in public. I did not notice your arms. I would not have even thought about looking at your arms, but it was the major point in your article. Ladies, Jenny is making an impact on the world and WE are all taking part in re-writing the rules. Since moving to AZ, I wear a jacket or longer sleeves to protect my arms from the sun and that “C” word. But there is usually a sleeveless top under it. I even wear White AFTER Labor Day and sandals during the winter. Can you imagine it? My mother is probably turning over in her grave as I type. My generation changed the world. Now I can help a younger generation who want to change things. I am not going out quietly, I assure you. Ladies, You earned it. BARE THOSE ARMS!
I love the second one. It does look great. And summery!
I’m beginning to adjust to a devil-may-care attitude about my Very Beefy Arms, but still feel I usually need a sleeve, especially in summer extreme air conditioning. I’ve made some on-the-fly arm-sleeve adjustments, but would like to know how your own BAA (Beefy Arm Adjustment) works.
I’ve learned so much following this blog and it would be awesome to add this technique to my growing collection of fitting tools.
BTW, both dresses are very pretty and I like them each in their own way. I’ve recently fallen in love – again – with full skirts, they remind me of my younger days, and just make me feel feminine and pretty.
Absolutely wear the border print dress! It looks stunning on you! ONLY should you change your mind if the bride and groom object to it. Your sister’s opinion – as much as you might love your sister – does not matter. I had an outdoor wedding in July – which ended up being the hottest day of the year – and I cared not that some of the guests were in shorts and Hawaiian shirts – it was enough that they were there to celebrate the day with us.
I think the first dress is very pretty but doesn’t have a formal enough look for the Mother of the groom. It seems like a dress you would wear as a wedding guest.The second dress has that perfect amount of classic formalness. If you are worried about arm coverage then perhaps a brown lace wrap or maybe even a bolo? I don’t think it needs it but, I understand the pressure that weddings put on people. Let the the doubt go and enjoy your son’s special day!
I LOVE the second dress you made (I love the dress itself and also how it looks on you – you look much more at ease and happy in it) and I totally love your claiming of the right to wear whatever you want without body shaming. The more we all do this, the more space it makes for everyone else to do this too. (I also like the first dress a lot, just not as much as the second!)
I love the second dress so much more than the first. No one is looking at your arms. If you feel comfortable you will look great no matter what you wear. That dress is gorgeous!
Both are lovely but I think that you should go with the sleeveless dress. It suits you and is very feminine and by the way your arms are just fine. I stopped listening to the sleeve/sleeveless police. Ridiculous! One more way to intimidate people. Sometimes sleeves actually make our arms look larger than they are. I have noticed this in pictures of myself. Enjoy the wedding!!!!!!!!
That second dress is gorgeous and fun and much younger looking. And I don’t mean “too young for you”, I mean it makes you look younger.
I’m self-conscious about going sleeveless, because I have very fat arms, but that’s a personal hangup that should never be generalized into a rule for the world. You have perfectly lovely, proportional arms, and there’s no reason why you should cover them if they are not cold. (There’s also not really a reason why I should cover mine, I realize, but I just don’t like to look at them. Other women with fat arms should do whatever they think is good for them.)
You look gorgeous. Bare those arms!