Good morning to all of my sewing tribe out there. This topic has been on my mind a lot lately and since we have discussed so many of the so called ” rules” of how to dress our curves I thought I might offer my thoughts on this subject.
Is there really a “rule” that older women can only be seen in public if we cover our arms? I suspect there are also curvy younger women out there who believe this. I have been one of those women who had strong feelings about this in the past, so I do understand the logic. My younger sister still believes this rule with all her heart. But since this is my new motto, my thinking on this subject has changed.
If we can embrace horizontal stripes, waistbands, miniskirts, and everything else in the world that regular women wear why can’t we embrace the right to bare arms?
Do we really feel that the fashion police will round us all up for exposing this little bit of skin?
Listen I have very chunky arms that waddle when I lift my arms. When I make sleeves I do have to do my BAA (Beefy Arm Adjustment). But I have come to understand that in a room full of people at a wedding, the topic of conversation will not be about my exposed arms or the fact that they waddle! ?
I made that lovely Cashmerette Washington Dress for my son’s upcoming wedding this summer and of course I made it with sleeves. After all, I am the ” mother of the groom” so I felt I might be on display. And the pictures, will be forever. Oh horror that my arms might show!
Since my change of heart I have rethought this option. Don’t get me wrong, I still love this dress. But really, I have a strong funky vibe to my personality and it really seems just a bit sedate! So I have made another dress. This one!
I used a fun border print and I am very happy with the outcome.
It is just a simple T-shirt dress and I love it. This is an outdoor summer wedding and just feels more fun and in line with me. As you can see the arms are still chunky but I think I look perfect in this dress. After it is properly pressed it will be perfect.
Now, what is your opinion? Do you think I am making a mistake? Would you go sleeveless in the summer or expose your arms? Could I change your mind, and get you to rethink your position – because I sure can’t change my sisters mind.
I think you look lovely–what a gorgeous fabric! And you’re right about arms–wear what you feel comfortable in. I love the post on my FB page some time ago. Want a bikini body? Put a bikini on it. I’m trying hard at 66 to wear clothing that makes me happy, not someone else. As I continue to practice that little critical voice in my head is just beginning to back off : )
Absolutely go without sleeves. Outdoors, summer, hot… go comfortable and you’ll have a better time. You look lovely in the dress.
Yes yes yes! Love the new dress! My arms are bigger than your arms and just this summer I have decided to give the fat arm/old arm police a raspberry. My porky sausages are on display – and the sun feels wonderful on the tops of arms that have been hidden for years! The dress looks really good on you so just enjoy the wedding.
I vote for sleeveless! It seems more you somehow and seems happier and more festive so better suited to a celebration like a wedding.
Your border print dress is fabulous and you look fabulous in it. I personally don’t get the drama about bare arms. It’s not like I’m fooling anyone into thinking I have skinny arms when I’m sweltering in sleeves.
I purchased a sleeveless dress for our daughter’s wedding but I wanted my arms covered for the ceremony. I found the exact fabric (miracle!) at our local high-end fabric store, bought a yard and made a simple wrap. I pinned it closed with a gorgeous brooch that I borrowed from a dear friend, and I felt very dressed up and comfortable. I tossed the wrap into the bride’s room for the reception and dancing.
A few points: (1) If someone goes to a summer wedding and everyone else is wearing light summery clothes except one person who is sweating and wearing something dark with long sleeves, they will stick out more than someone who is baring chunky arms. (2) Those members of the self-appointed fashion police are probably going to find fault in pretty much what everybody is wearing — including the bride (who sadly is always the prime target.. (3) You may actually end up encouraging someone to bare their arms. (4) I like the second dress better also, and you look fantastic in it. I’m wild about the border print. I definitely see the fun and funky vibe of yours!
Such rules are arbitrary and are all geared toward the policing of women’s bodies, particularly older women who are supposed to become invisible after a certain age. Well, I say, if we’re invisible anyway, why bother to follow those stupid ‘rules’? I have always had chubby arms, and since I grew up in a hot, steamy climate, I got used to baring them regardless of other people’s opinions, just to avoid overheating. I like sleeved garments just fine, but some things are better looking without sleeves. I haven’t felt self-conscious about showing bare arms since I was a teenager, and they’re definitely of the wobbly variety. I figure if someone needs to comment on how unsightly my arms are, then they need a new hobby. And I’m not shy about saying so; after all, if someone feels justified in commenting on my body, I feel justified in telling them to go shove it.
“If we’re invisible anyway” — excellent point!
I think the sleeveless dress is super on you. Much more enthusiasm and joy.
I am trying to get to the sleeveless stage. You have helped. Thanks.
I was just flipping through this post looking at the photos before actually reading it. I can tell you I never noticed your arms in that dress. It’s a beautiful use of border fabric (one that I never would have thought to use), and it looks beautiful on you! Definitely a winner. I’m mid 50’s and have also started to avoid going sleeveless. Lately, I’ve wondered about that decision and enjoyed reading your post.
LOVE the border print. You look amazing in it. So much more of a celebratory, pretty dress and therefore more appropriate. I do hope it wins the day. Great job on the fitting!
I like your border print dress much better. It looks really nice on you and would be perfect for a wedding. But I’m also not a fan of the Washington dress pattern at all. Your version is the only version I’ve seen that I remotely like. So my choice has nothing to do with sleeves or no sleeves and it’s more about which dress looks nicer on you.
For me, I don’t wear sleeveless, but it’s not so much about the size of my arms, although I’m not the most comfortable with the way they look either. But I had a surgical breast biopsy where the surgeon went in through my armpit and promised a tiny, barely visible scar right along my braline, but I ended up with a 1/2″ wide, 5″ long ugly scar right across my armpit which is very visible if I’m wearing sleeveless, especially when I raise my arm. I’m very uncomfortable with the way the scar looks, so I wear sleeves so that I don’t have to see it when I look in the mirror.
How frustrating for you! If you haven’t considered it, you might want to see about surgical revision of your scar. Seek out a good plastic surgeon — some of them specialize in this kind of procedure — and see what might be possible.
That second dress is AMAZING. You are absolutely doing the right thing. My thought is that my body does not exist to visually please others so I’m not going to be covering up parts of myself just because they might visually displease someone. I wear whatever the fuck I want, as should we all.
I LOVE the sleeveless dress on you! I think it suits you way more than the sleeved one, though that one is very nice too. I am a fan of sleeveless myself and I don’t care how big my arms get – in the summer I’m exercising my right to bare arms! haha
You absolutely rock the sleeveless! It’s a beautiful dress and you look great in it!
It’s only been in the last couple summers that I have built up the courage to go sleeveless. I’m still uncomfortable and very self conscious about raising my bare arm much when it’s sleeveless, but hopefully I’ll get there at some point.
The sleeveless dress looks great on you. I like it better than the other one. I have chunky arms even when thin I have to adjust the sleeve to be wider. So as I have aged (66) I thought I should not bear my chunky arms. But you have made me rethink my position on it. It is quite warm here where I live and it would be cooler. You look so good in that dress, I think I will go for it too.
I think you look beautiful in that dress. I don’t give a rat’s ass about those rules. My arms are flabby, and I wear what I please. If someone is offended by that, well so be it. It seems to me that we have bigger things to worry about these days than flabby arms. I say let’s love and support each other, not drag each other down.
The border print dress is amazing–I’d wear it in a heart beat. I’ve been wrestling with the bare arms issue myself, and now that I’ve turned sixty, I’ve decided to go for it. I have a six inch scar on the back of one arm that I’d been covering up since I was 12, and finally asked myself if it still mattered. I really don’t notice other people’s bare arms, unless they have a badly done tattoo… and then I really don’t mind. Also, I’ve never seemed to agree with my sister on most anything. It would be nice if we could just agree to disagree, but that hasn’t happened yet.
The reason I keep my arms covered is winter cold, air conditioning or mosquitos, not the size of my arms. Your lace dress is very nice, but sort of well…blah(?). Now, I know it’s not the job of MOG (or anyone) to outshine the bride, but to my eye, this is like you are trying to disappear. I like the border print one better, and you look much happier in it as well. You could keep a shawl or cardigan handy if covered arms are needed.
I always hear my mother’s voice in my head whenever I am going to a special event with bare arms. She is quite the curmudgeon about it… she even had a full fledged membership in the club that thinks it’s inappropriate for the first lady to show her guns! If there were ever arms to envy I think Michelle Obama’s would be the ones.
That being said, I have long since shrugged off the anti-arm mantle my mother graced me with as a young adult. It wasn’t easy though. In addition to my mother’s influence, I have been Type 1 diabetic since I was 7. Nearly 30 years of insulin injections have left my upper arms lumpy with scar tissue and often I have little marks and bruises. I used to go to great lengths to wear sleeves that would cover them.
I don’t know exactly when it was, but probably on a long, hot summer day I just said, “WTF? I’d rather be comfortable than camouflaged.” I think there is a time and place for more conservative dressing, but outside of those occasions there is no reason we should feel obligated to wear sleeves if we are happy without them.
My working theory now is that when I am wearing something unique, that fits perfectly, in a pattern or color that becomes me, no one notices my lumpy, chubby arms, the circumference of my thighs, how many chins I have. What people usually notice when I’m dressed in something I am proud of is that I look happy and confident.
You, in both of your dresses, prove my theory is correct! You look great!
The floral t dress is the one!!!! You look fabulous in it. The other one is ok for Sunday church service. Ps I don’t see any problems with your arms! !!
My b.f.f. And I just had this discussion last week and I talked her into buying a sleeveless blouse! I will make my own, so what if there’s some crepe going on, we agreed we just won’t raise our arms too much! Love your dress and your happiness is showing that you love it too!
I say bare arms! Most people cover up because they feel self conscious or like me the sun doesn’t like them and must cover up or fry.
The “rule”, I believe, is from the Edwardian era and therefore can be ignored unless it is an Edwardian themed wedding in which case you would be extremely under dressed ?.
I love the sleeveless dress and you look awesome in it. Great job!
I wish I could….but I have had a phobia about baring my arms since I was skinny teen. I have no idea why, but I succumb to the ‘cover up tyranny’ every time. Be it drafting sleeves onto a sleeveless pattern, or mzking light boleros and kimono cover ups for any sleeveless tops or dresses I buy.
I also think you look years younger in the sleveless dress! It’s gorgeous on you. I feel the sleeved dress is wearing you…but the sleveless one is all about lightness and fun….as if it’s your personality shining through the dress.
I know where you’re coming from with the chunky arm thing, I, in my vanity, try to keep them covered even if only a little, with a cap sleeve. Really wish I could be brave enough to go bare armed in public – but I just can’t do it unless I am on holiday away from people I know. (lol) Saying all that, I do like your second dress, it is much more modern and summery and when I saw you in it, my first thought was, I could wear that!
Sleeveless,sleeveless, sleeveless all the way, the lace bodice is a lovely dress but the sleeveless is so much more. It’s perfect for a summer wedding and a light shawl or bolero for cool breezes or A/C is all you’d need oh, and shoes they help with dancing. I think your sis might be a bit jealous you have the bravado to pull it off!
There’s no such rule…..wear what you love — and the border print dress looks fabulous on you.
Both dresses are lovely. I love the sleeveless dress and think you look good in it. I would bare my arms more if the work dress code allowed it. PS I was watching a fashion make over show and noticed the younger, thin hostess arm jiggled when she waved.
The sleeveless dress is beautiful, and you look beautiful in it.
I am still working through this issue. When I see larger exposed arms I don’t think negatively about them, but something is holding me back from going sleeveless. Sleeves don’t hide anything- my arms are the same size with or without. I will probably try a few trips to the store to feel comfortable in a tank top in public before I try to go to an event in a sleeveless dress.
Definitely the sleeveless dress! You look stunning and confident in the dress and you look happy. Definitely the one to go with.
As for arms, everyone has them. If people choose to focus on the fact that my upper arms are plump and wobbly, that’s their problem. I have reached the point in my life that I am FINALLY comfortable in my own skin and don’t really care too much what others think. I’ve even convinced my mother that it’s okay to show her upper arms … there’s no sense suffering a heat stroke for the sake of not exposing someone else to the sight of your upper arms.
WHAAAT?? That’s a “rule”?? This is the first I’ve heard of it, and that is the dumbest “rule” I’ve ever heard. But then I am from Florida, so during the summer you do what you have to do to stay cool. If women down here weren’t “allowed” to go sleeveless, there would be a revolt! Which is kind of interesting, to your point about that being a “rule”. I guess a lot of it has to do with the culture you grew up in. Anyway, flaunt what the good Lord gave ya! I LOVE that tshirt dress, btw! Is it self-drafted?
I’d pick the sleeveless dress for the wedding, It looks very good on you and the fit is spot on. It would also look good with a little jacket.
I too have difficulty with going sleeveless…I am 63 and live in the hot steamy south! That being said, go for it. The sleeveless print dress is beautiful. It looks great on you and your arms don’t look funny at all. Both dresses look great, but my vote is for the sleeveless floral. Hope the wedding is wonderful!
Definitely the border print dress. Both dresses look lovely, but you look happy to be wearing the border print dress, glowing and full of fun, in fact. I almost always make sleeveless and might add a cardigan to hide from the sun (not an issue in the UK this summer, apparently) or because I need to hide a fitting issue with a back bodice (makes the dress wearable not wadder) but I am not afraid to bear my plump upper arms, or highlight my cushiony waist (adjective supplied by small girl who offers it as a compliment, such a sweet thing to say) or any of the other bits of me that are imperfect, except in the eyes of my daughter who sees through her heart to my heart, not through her eyes to my skin. You are beautiful and will be beautiful on the wedding day.
I never used to wear anything sleeveless. But as I became older I just said the heck with it!!! If I want to go sleeveless I will!!!
The dress looks great on you! Good for you for changing your mind!!
You look fabulous in your sleeveless dress.
You look stunning in the border print dress! Wear it with pride.
The sleeveless dress is much more flattering. And cooler for hot weather.
Wear it, and have a wonderful time at the wedding.
Elaine, you look absolutely lovely in both dresses. But, my vote is for the sleeveless dress as well. The fabric is visually stunning and your placement of the design is not only figure-flattering, but adds to the overall aesthetic appeal of this dress. The sleeveless dress also requires much less effort to be formal event fancy – maybe some dangling earrings and hot shoes and you’re ready to go. And for me, the sleeveless dress will look even better in the wedding pics.
The border print dress is AMAZING and you look beautiful in it. I think it is perfect for the wedding..
With the size I am, I’m never going to have skinny little arms! My view is that if other people want to waste precious time and breath commenting on my wobbly arms then I feel sorry for them for not having anything better to talk about. What matters to me is my comfort and my outfit looking as good as it can be, if that means no sleeves then so be it. It’s a great point to bring up and I think when making up a pattern you have to judge it on it’s merits. Does it look good with or without sleeves and how it makes you feel wearing it. If you hate showing any part of your body never feel forced to, Likewise if you feel comfortable and confident dressing in a certain way then do it. Only you know how you feel, and I believe if you feel good you look good.
Oops, I forgot to say… while both dresses are lovely and both look great on you, the sleeveless dress looks so glamorous, the pattern on the fabric is amazing, you chose that so well. If people mistake that dress for high end designer wear I would not be at all surprised.
Well said! !! She looks amazing in it maybe she could post the pattern i would love one for myself! !!
That order print dress is fantastic and looks great on you. You should wear it with pride!
My vote is for the sleeveless dress. I think it is a nicer look on you, arms and all.
Your sleeveless dress is gorgeous and the fit is spot-on. Its suits you beautifully and you look happy and confident. I’d definitely wear it.
I think it is PERFECT!! and I like it better than the first one. I do go bare armed in a lot. I live in Florida and it is HOT here. Since it is an outdoor weeding you look AWESOME!!! I would take a lacey bolero or soft sweater just in case I got cold. You did not mention anything about a reception and down here they are all inside and it gets cold with all the air conditioning on. Beautiful dress and just love how you placed the borders!!!
I love the floral dress, and after reading you comments, I had to go back and look again to see you arms! I did not notice the while admiring the dress.
I wore a sleeveless dress for my daughter’s wedding, and just put a shawl over my arms when I felt self conscious, and in the church.
I really like the sleeveless dress and it looks fabulous on you! That’s the one I think you should wear to the wedding. Now let’s hope the weather co-operates on wedding day.
I love your sleeveless version! It’s perfect and beautiful! I show my own arms infrequently because I am still not sewing enough of my own clothing and I get annoyed with RTW armcyles being just cut wrong! I hate when my bra is exposed! So I’d wear that dress and not feel anything about my arms, other than I’d have to even out my tan! Go for it!
Since you asked…I think the lace top dress is nice, and would be perfectly appropriate for a wedding…but I love, love love the border print dress!!! Why would you not wear a sleeveless dress? It looks fantastic on you!!! I wear at least a cap sleeve for religious reasons, but since I live in the tropics, I can assure you that ladies of all shapes and ages wear sleeveless tops and dresses year round here! Go for it!
I think you look amazing in both dresses. Sleeves or sleeveless – wear whichever you feel is most appropriate for the occasion.
I’m not an older woman (I’m 28) but I never bare arms. I’m a size 18 and have had stretch marks on my upper arms since I was a teenager. Too embarrassed to wear sleeveless and as a result I now have a very pronounced sleeve suntan!