I’ve been putting myself out there on the internet for many years. As a feminist, as a plus size woman, as an artist, and as a seamstress. I’ve written for online publications about my opinion, my body, and the most difficult times of my life. I was prepared as a writer for an online feminist publication that the internet is not always friendly, and I felt brave for sharing these things about myself despite the risk. What I was not prepared for was the backlash I received as a sewing blogger.
It is a necessity that I find a lot of people overlook in the sewing community: it is essential in order to participate in the online union of seamstresses we must share our bodies online, sometimes in intimate ways. In order for others to truly appreciate our work and accomplishments they must study the way our clothes fit our bodies and thus our bodies themselves. I can think of no other semblance of women that invite strangers on the internet to look closely at the fit of our clothes, but we seamstresses are daring and brave.
I have received statistically 95% positivity about my ventures into sewing from other seamstresses. I have made friends in our community around the world, received surges of confidence from comments on my blog, gotten plenty of helpful and kind advice from other thoughtful seamstresses who’ve seen the mistakes I’ve made first hand. I am enamored with the online sewing community in ways I never could have imagined. You have to remember: I come from a background of being a plus sized feminist journalist on the internet. I’ve had people threaten me, attack my body with words, and try to tear me down online for years. When I started sharing my garment sewing on the internet I thought I had finally stumbled upon an oasis of kindness in the vast and terrible desert of the internet. I believe in a way I became too comfortable, and thus was so shocked when I first received negativity towards myself as a
seamstress.
A month or so ago I wrote a post on my personal sewing blog about how sewing changed my relationship with my body as a plus sized woman. This article garnered a lot of attention, and was reposted to BUST Magazine’s blog, with my permission. The subject of the post was very sensitive to myself, and honestly made me feel bare on the internet. The reception was overwhelmingly positive however, and I felt that a lot of other women and seamstresses saw themselves in my thoughts and feelings.
A few people did not enjoy my writing. Actually, I’m not 100% sure they read what I talked about, because their comments were mostly about my sewing and how my garments made my body look. BUST included some photos from earlier in my blog of some of my sewing projects that were not originally in my post, but someone went through my blog, picked the best photos they felt to fit in the article and inserted them with my permission. The reception I got from fans of the feminist mag was that my clothes were unflattering, my sewing was lackluster, and I had done nothing of consequence to garner attention from the magazine. “If anything, the images they chose for the article make the case against, not for, home sewing. Boxy, ugly, and obviously straight from a cheap a cheap simplicity pattern. Barf.” This is a direct quote from some of the feedback I got from talking intimately about my body and self image on the internet.
I’m not going to pretend that this didn’t hurt me. But after figuring out the proper way to cope, I rose quietly above my feelings and was no longer feeling tethered to opinions of strangers on the internet. So here is my best advice to girls who put their bodies and their craft on the internet and some dingus tries to tell you their unwanted opinion in a not so nice way.
DELETE IT. If you can. If I have learned ANYTHING from growing up on the internet it’s that allowing hate to live on the web will just make you crazy. I was unable to delete my comments as they lived on the page of the magazine that posted my article. If you can’t delete, I beg you: do not respond. Responding is feeding the fire and giving people what they want. They want to know you’re upset, and even if you have the worlds best comeback, don’t respond. There is literally no better vengeance than letting someone sit, unanswered, stewing in their own hate and obsession. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve seen someone leave hate on the internet, watch it go unanswered, and then tuck their tail between their legs and delete it, I’d have many dollars.
Call someone who really intimately understands what you’re talking about. I anxiously vomited up my feelings to my boyfriend for HOURS before realizing that I wasn’t going to get the comfort I wanted from someone who had never been in this position. I called my good friend and fellow seamstress, and we talked. I cried. She assured me that I was full of worth and talent, and her words will always matter to me more than someone I’ve never met with the gull to be cruel on a sensitive subject.
Take a walk. Get away from the computer. Leave your phone at home.
For body positivity I like to reread the book Shrill, by Lindy West. This is definitely one of my favorite books of all time and she talks not only about her relationship with her body, but also about hate she received on the internet. One time a guy pretended to be her dead dad on twitter to send her insults. Seriously, it could be worse.
Remember why you sew. Remember why you make anything. Remember why you post it on the internet. You are proud of your work, and you should be. You worked hard, and that’s awesome.
I realize by writing this, I am in fact in conflict with my first rule of “Under No Circumstances Show Any Reaction To Hate” but pretending stuff didn’t happen is worse than knowing someone could learn from this experience I had. I’ve had more than my fair share of hate on the internet, so if I can balance that out at all by helping other people deal with it in healthy ways, that’s gotta be worth it.
Remember that if you are a seamstress sharing your work on the internet you are full of bravery and power. You control what people see of you, and by putting yourself out there you fill the web with the love you feel for yourself and your work. Sewing is a superpower, handed down from our mothers and our grandmothers, taught to us late into the night and living in our blood. Far be it for the age of technology to take this away from us now.
This is so sad that some people only feel good cutting down others. I was cautious putting my photos on my blog because I have to take them myself and sometimes that doesn’t work out. Also I’m not sure how to pose. Then I thought heck with it. We all have bodies, we all need clothes, make what you like and wear what makes you feel good and heck with the rest! Share your happiness of owning a new loved me-made garment! And, I agree, check comments and delete nasty ones. We don’t need nasty in our lives!
I love your clothes, and you look amazing in them.
Thank you!! I have a blog, but haven’t been blogging much (just due to life and timings, nothing other than that). I’ve been fortunate not to have the haters out there comment on my contributions to the sewing world. Social media and the internet makes it so easy for people to hide behind their anonymity, lose their filters and forget that what they’re actually doing is truly attacking living, breathing, and loving, PEOPLE. You are beautiful, your makes are wonderful, and I’m so glad you share, despite the haters.
If it’s just sewing advice and appreciation you want, take a look at patternreview.com. They have a forum for plus size sewing, although most of the women posting are older than you. There’ are also places where you can ask questions about fabric, sewing problems, pattern problems as not all patterns are drafted equally, and fitting problems. Then there’s the spot where you can post pictures of yourself in your newly made garment with a review of the pattern used, alterations made, etc.
I’ve found the site very helpful although I haven’t posted any pattern reviews yet as I just got a paid membership which allows me to. I’ve never seen any body shaming or snarky comments there. Women, and men, of all ages and sizes read, post, comment there, and the people are kind and helpful.
I am so tired of the people who post cruel things just because they can do so without anyone knowing who they are. They’re cowards and worse.
I love this article and the other you posted! Thanks for sharing. What strikes me most about criticism of women (especially plus sized women) in the public sphere is how vitriolic and utterly disproportionate it is. When people say to just ignore it, that would be easy if it was just helpful sewing advice, suggestions for how to improve skills or legitimate criticism of a shonky product. But so often it is radical hate directed at women just for the crime of….being. I mean, what can you do when the problem is with society, not you?
Shrill was such a fantastic read. Tara Moss has written a book called “Speaking Out” which is about being in the public eye, in whatever way, as a woman. It’s not necessarily about body politics but I found it a helpful guide to a world I feel lost at sea in! She’s also got a show on the ABC called “Cyberhate” which I haven’t watched yet but intend to.
Thank you for sharing your story. When I was younger I always took everything to heart especially if someone said something that hurt my feelings. It has taken me a while but I have learned to only look at the comments and opinions of the people who have earned my respect, doesn’t matter if its family, friends or co-workers.
It sounds to me that the publishers valued your story and what you had to say and there were a lot of readers that did also. Those that had a negative outlook could be those that tried something and then couldn’t take the constructive feedback so now they have to look down on everyone else.
It always amazes me when I talk to someone and they are amazed at what it takes to sew something that doesn’t look like a five year old made it. Like any craft or talent it takes practice and as long as you love what your doing that’s all that matters.
Keep up the great work!!!
As a guy, who recently took up sewing, I feel like I am intruding a bit here. My point for coming here is that I also want to make clothes that fit a plus size woman well, in this case it is for my girlfriend. I wanted to say “fuck the haters” you are absolutely rocking those clothes, and you and the clothing look beautiful. I hope one day to be able to make things that fit as well as the clothes you have created and are modeling here. Keep being you, keep being strong, and don’t let the people who are jealous of you drag you down.
I think one of the pitfalls of the internet is that it’s enabled a huge group of people to need, and expect, validation. I think the only way to guarantee a “safe space” on the internet is to work on your self-belief that not only allows you to not fixate on the 5% of negatives (which is inconsequentially small in the scheme of things), but more importantly, not to need the 95% of compliments to bolster your confidence. Pre-internet, we all used to somehow manage to get by without a cheer squad of strangers telling us we are beautiful/talented/brave/smart, etc. The greatest gift we can give ourselves – and sure, it takes a lot of work- is self-esteem and self-sufficiency. Self, self self.
Yes! All of this.
Thank You for sharing. When I was 18 I wanted to be an artist. My art teacher said to marry a rich man, artists starve. :o) Art school was out of the question. By 19 I was a mom. I have PCOS so being thin as a teen meant starving. You couldn’t be an artist if you were fat could you? I’m 60 now and the years I’ve wasted listening to others opinions of me. You go girl! These are the best years of your life! :o) (((HUGS)))
thats a very thoughtful article – I would be lost without online sewing and adore the community feel and honest sharing – You are so right in pointing out the sharing of online makes is brave in its own way- I know if I make trousers I especially feel obliged to show all views and not just the ‘flattering’ shots -as I know if I am reading a post on someone elses makes on trews…. need to see them from side and behind to get an idea of hang. I always think of the mantra of the we-sew-retro – which was my first introduction to the online community – we are here to inspire not criticise. Funnily enough if my friends tell me they have read a blog post of mine, I am slightly embarassed (yup for real, as I dont think I write well etc) – as I see my blog as me being part of a home-sewing community and honestly – although I have sewn for years, blogging about it has given a much more interesting and inspiring dimension
Thank you for this post! The intimate sharing of fit and body and potential for backlash is one reason I’ve only dipped my toe into sharing sewing online. I appreciate your honesty and your power. ALSO, you look AWESOME as do all your outfits. Like your style and am going to check out your blog. 🙂