Good morning to all of my sewing tribe out there. This topic has been on my mind a lot lately and since we have discussed so many of the so called ” rules” of how to dress our curves I thought I might offer my thoughts on this subject.
Is there really a “rule” that older women can only be seen in public if we cover our arms? I suspect there are also curvy younger women out there who believe this. I have been one of those women who had strong feelings about this in the past, so I do understand the logic. My younger sister still believes this rule with all her heart. But since this is my new motto, my thinking on this subject has changed.
If we can embrace horizontal stripes, waistbands, miniskirts, and everything else in the world that regular women wear why can’t we embrace the right to bare arms?
Do we really feel that the fashion police will round us all up for exposing this little bit of skin?
Listen I have very chunky arms that waddle when I lift my arms. When I make sleeves I do have to do my BAA (Beefy Arm Adjustment). But I have come to understand that in a room full of people at a wedding, the topic of conversation will not be about my exposed arms or the fact that they waddle! ?
I made that lovely Cashmerette Washington Dress for my son’s upcoming wedding this summer and of course I made it with sleeves. After all, I am the ” mother of the groom” so I felt I might be on display. And the pictures, will be forever. Oh horror that my arms might show!
Since my change of heart I have rethought this option. Don’t get me wrong, I still love this dress. But really, I have a strong funky vibe to my personality and it really seems just a bit sedate! So I have made another dress. This one!
I used a fun border print and I am very happy with the outcome.
It is just a simple T-shirt dress and I love it. This is an outdoor summer wedding and just feels more fun and in line with me. As you can see the arms are still chunky but I think I look perfect in this dress. After it is properly pressed it will be perfect.
Now, what is your opinion? Do you think I am making a mistake? Would you go sleeveless in the summer or expose your arms? Could I change your mind, and get you to rethink your position – because I sure can’t change my sisters mind.
I love both dresses! I bared my arms at both sons’ weddings. They were in July–too hot for sleeves! I used a wide silk scarf as a shawl in the church.
I am returning to sewing my own clothing, as I can never find dresses that fit well. Did you draft your own patterns? Both are classic, and I need to start somewhere!
I think it looks great! Bare those arms! ?
I LOVE the sleeveless dress best on you! Great choice of fabric, very pretty, looks wonderful on you! Have fun at the wedding! Life is not about what anyone else thinks, it’s *your* life, live as you see fit and exult in the resulting freedom of other’s opinions! (I too have batty arms hahaa, love that description!) BTW, love the first dress too, the combo of fabrics is fab! Save it for another occasion.
I love the sleeveless dress on you best. I can tell by your picture that you feel best in this dress. Go for it! You look beautiful!
Love the dress & the fabric is fabulous. Both dresses are lovely but you glow in the sleeveless. I don’t know what the issue is with your arms??? No-one will focus on your arms (not that there is anything wrong with them) because the whole package is stunning. A matching / contrasting pashmina for if/when the weather cools & you are set to party.
Eventhough I read your post, I honestly didn’t notice your arms in any of the pictures. The second dress is so elegant, I doubt your wedding guests will notice either! Nice post!
I think your border print dress is far and away the one that suits you the best. Both are superbly made but the border print one is superior. Baring your arms has actually balanced your look and made them less (to use your own words) “beefy”. You look beautiful in both dresses x
Both dresses are great, but the second one is amazing and you look fabulous in it. Nice job!
I’m also late to this party, but I love the 2nd dress. The first thing I notice about all of the amazing ladies at the curvy sewing collective is their smile. It just screams I’m so happy, I made something pretty and it fits! Elaine you’re no different, I saw you in a beautiful dress, I had to go back to check out the arms. If something makes you happy that’s all that other people see. Mx
Dearest Elaine,
I’ll be brief. Two quotes passed on to me by my grandmother. ( she passed before I was born. )
“The right dress to wear is the one with the smile in it”
“It’ll never show on a running horse”
You are my kind of women, smart, funny and creative. I whole heartedly endorse your new motto!
Feel free to adopt any of the above I’m going to adopt yours!
MERRY
This is a late comment — and my first ever on this site.
One aspect I didn’t see here is about your son. Did you let him see your choices beforehand?
Weddings are stressful enough (even for the groom) — if he liked both, it’s an easy decision. If he had ambivalent or stronger feelings about one of them, then you could take your cue from that.
The bride’s color scheme, and what her mother was going to wear, could also influence the decision.I also agree with the other comments about carrying a whisper-light shawl or coverup, if it looked like it belonged with the outfit. (I personally loved the second dress, and your arms are in balance with everything.)
Several years ago I went to a beautiful late July outdoor wedding in Georgia, and I’m from an area that 80 degrees is HOT. I bought a beautiful lace sleeved Japanese style jacket to wear, and then found a long, lightweight dress to wear with it. The jacket was the fashion statement; dress was because I had to wear “something”.
Turned out to be way too hot to even carry the jacket! So I’m in a fairly drab dress in the pics. I learned a big lesson about making sure all the parts can stand alone in any circumstances.
So glad the wedding turned out lovely.
I love the second dress you made, and I think your arms look great. I feel that when a garment is properly fitted it will make our bodies look nice.
Personally, I am self conscious about my arms but I’m changing my mind and this post makes my reasoning even more valid, thank you.
Both dresses are lovely but the first looks like a little old lady would wear it but the second is a dress that at 55 with wobbly arms I would wear..
I do want to thank you for the overwhelming response to my dresses. I did choose the border print Tshirt dress and the wedding was a blast.
I think your arms look fine and prefer your much more fun and feminine second dress to the maybe a bit dull lace one.
I rarely make blog comments but you’ve struck a chord.
I have also wondered about my age and extra weight and the question of sleeveless… I’m starting to push myself to relax about it and go ahead and wear the sleeveless tops.
Your two dresses: It’s a matter of taste and I find I actually quite like the first dress you made for the wedding. I like it a lot. However if the second dress makes you happier, then you should wear the second dress.
The one thing I would suggest is that you add, for the ceremony, a little (maybe lace???) bolero or shrug or cardigan to the dress. You will be able to remove it whenever you like, but the sleeves add a bit of old fashioned formality… I know, these days brides are wearing strapless and bridesmaids are exposing all sorts of body parts, but weddings are about respect for the ceremony and the tradition – even if the wedding is a super modern new wave/generation wedding – if you’re not honouring the tradition, why bother with it at all?
I was taught the way one dresses shows how one respects the event and that (for example) the reason people dress up for church or weddings or funerals or other life events was because they were showing respect. Society has gotten more and more casual and more “anything goes” about this, but I find I’m most comfortable in these situations if I dress to honour the event.
Both dresses are lovely and both would be nice for your son’s wedding. But the old fashioned rule about showing arms still holds weight in a wedding situation. It’s all about tradition.
You mentioned there will be photos… These are going to be around for a long time. You don’t want to look back and cringe at your choices later.
For what it’s worth, I wore a very similar sleeveless dress to my daughter’s wedding. I wore a burn-out velvet jacket over top for the ceremony and took it off at the reception.
I realized people know my arms are fat either way so I now bear my arms. The only thing is, for a wedding there will be lots of photos and some angles can make your arms look huge. I have a precious picture of me and a son-in-law dancing but my arm looks twice as big as it actually is. Tight sleeves really don’t hide our arm issues… so I prefer a flowy sleeve. However, the patterned dress is beautiful… might I suggest plain white, short flowy sleeves. Or, a design change with the lace top by changing to loose flowy sleeves to match the skirt. Then wear the white dress to the rehearsal. Either way, Enjoy!
My comment to share with those who oppose is “Get over it!” I said this to a very dear, older friend this weekend. It was in reference to me wearing shorts with my very pale legs. I was appropriately and nicely dressed. It was hot. I was comfortable. My friend and I both remain pale all year. I chose to be comfortable and seasonally dressed. My friend thought for awhile and said, “Good for you.”
I love the border print mainly because you have used that border in a really creative way! Most borders go across the bottom, but this one goes through the middle, twice! I love it and it looks great!
Wear the sleeves. It is your son’s wedding. It is not about you. Rebel and break the rules later.
Thank you so much for writung this post. I love you! That second dress is awesome! I saw your first dress in an instantgram for the dress pattern. I saw it and thought oh nice and elegant but it looks like this lady is more quiet etc. Then I stumbled across this post and I literally started crying! I don’t know how many times I have told myself the same exact things about my arms. But seeing how beautiful you look let’s me understand that what I see is not necessarily what others see. Your personality really shines in this dress! And your arms look great.
Well I too have noticed since I’ve gotten older I care less and less what others think about how I look in things. I still want to look nice but I don’t worry about how my jello jiggles!
I think both look great and agree with other posters, wear whatever you like. I tend to avoid sleeveless myself in store bought clothes because larger sizes have such huge armholes and show way more bra than I`m comfortable with. I`m also too lazy for all the sunscreen needed with sleeveless so I spend most of the summer wearing long sleeves and concentrate the sunscreen on my legs, Gotta love being ginger!
Oh, and PS: don`t forget the shoes for the wedding!
The sleeveless dress is pretty and looks beautiful on you. I went through the same dilemma when my son got married last month. It was an outdoor wedding in hotter than normal Kansas City. I decided to wear a sleeveless dress with a 3/4 length sleeves lace jacket. Turned out to be a good decision because it rained through the whole ceremony and I got wet, but the fabric was fortunately fast drying. It’s hard to tell what to do with outdoor weddings, but at least my upper arms won’t be seen in any of the photos 🙂
I used to feel uncomfortable because my upper arms are flabby but no more. I find that sleeveless garments are the best to wear in the heat. I really like your sleeveless dress. You look fantastic!
I have to admit I love the second sleeveless dress on you & didn’t even think about your upper (or lower) arms. The sleeveless dress looks fabulous on you and baring a super conservative church wedding believe that’s the dress for you. Do wear whatever you feel most comfortable in – that comes across more in photos than your arms. I’m currently in the process of making/designing a mother of the bride dress for my sister’s Hawaiian wedding and hope my mom cares as little about what some might deem “appropriate” versus what makes her feel good!
There was a meme making the rounds a while ago — “mom stays in the picture” — about how often we mothers duck out of the picture, thinking that nobody wants to see whatever body flaws we focus on. But really, the people who love us see that twinkle in the eye, the loving smile, and so on. The border print dress rocks — but really, the lady in the dress makes it rock. Your son won’t notice your arms, and really, neither do I.
I love both dresses, but the border print is a real celebration! And your arms look fine.
About 25 years ago I suffered a severe burn on one arm, from shoulder to hand. It healed fairly well, but I had to have skin grafts and still have extensive scarring on the back of my arm from about 2″ above my elbow to about 4″ below my elbow. Shortly after I came back to work after the skin grafts, one of the secretaries remarked that she would hate it because now I could never wear short or sleeveless tops. Frankly, this had never occurred to me.
For several months I laboriously applied makeup to the scars whenever I bared my arms. Then I decided that if my scars bothered people, they could just get over it. I have a right to be comfortable, scars or not. As my arms have gotten larger and jigglier over the years, I have continued to feel like I have a right to be comfortable.
We all have a right to bare arms!
Both dresses look great. Terrific use of the print!
My two cents: If the bride’s family is conservative – or it is a formal, church wedding – a nice compromise might be to wear the pretty, lace sleeved dress to the wedding ceremony itself and wear the striking, sleeveless dress to the reception and/or rehearsal dinner. It doesn’t have anything at all to do with arms, but the event and the feel of the dresses. One is a formal dress and one is a party dress, but they both look good it is a win-win either way.
For the larger question, showing arms, like belly, is a really personal choice & we get to be good people by letting those we love do their thing while we do ours.
Love your posts & have learned a lot about fitting a changing body. Thank you!
The first dress fits well, is sedate and you look lovely in it. The border print? Wow! You look happy in it and it looks terrific on you. Don’t worry about your arms–they are fine. Personally, I like the proportion of your arms better without the sleeves.
Living in a climate where the temperature is 100F degrees or higher 60 days or so a year (lately, it’s been higher), I dress appropriately for the climate/weather without worrying about what others might think. Bare arms are the norm six months of the year, with a light jacket/wrap for blasting cold air conditioning.
If others don’t like the bare arms, they don’t have to look. And they just might have a bit too much time on their hands if they are looking, don’t you think? 😉
Thank you for this post. I struggle with the tension of self consiousness, but at the same time I observe that I only apply the rules to myself, and i know they are all made up anyways. Your sewing is beautiful a d so are the dresses. The pictures show that you look like you feel like a rockstar in the sleeveless dress – and to me, that is the most important thing. Where what you are happiest in – tat is what everyone who knows you will noice anyways – and. othing should get in the way of your joy at the wedding.
I love both dresses, and I think the second one will look wonderful for an outdoor wedding. I totally agree that in the grand scheme of things, the interactions and memories you make with friends and family should always be focal point of an event! That said, I still find myself covering up my beefy arms. Not because I don’t think I’m allowed the luxury of bare arms, but instead because I just feel more attractive and confident with my most major flaws covered up.
You look amazing in the sleeveless dress! I say go for it. It’s super flattering.
I have genuinely given very little thought to whether I should or shouldn’t go sleeveless. I’m 51, and it’s one of the few things I don’t worry about!
I love them both, but the second one is more ‘summer wedding’ to me and looks really lovely on you.
You look beautiful in the both the sleeved and sleeveless dresses!
I too was worried about my upper arms until recently, when I got a tattoo and now I love to go sleeveless to show off my ‘Feisty Cat’ tat.
*Disclaimer: You asked!
The second one is gorgeous! That print is fabulous. And without even knowing you it looks like it fits your personality. I barely glanced at your arms and but for the topic of this post (love the title) I would never have looked at them!
I make shrugs for my sleeveless dresses because I am not comfortable exposing my arms.
I love the border print dress. You look lovely in it.
You and both dresses look fabulous! Personally, I am very shy about my upper arms, but am trying to stretch beyond my comfort zone. Sometimes I can, sometimes not. I don’t think you need to listen to anyone but yourself.
I want to let you know how much I appreciate your posts here on CSC. I think we of a similar vintage and I too have been sporting the underarm wattle. Until last year I would never consider going sleeveless but I was getting really tired of limiting my wardrobe to sleeved items not to mention the added warmth of sleeves in the summer when it’s so wonderfully hot and humid. So I’m with you! We all have the right to bare arms. Those who disagree can look away.
Your dress is lovely and you do look perfectly beautiful in it. Enjoy the wedding!
I love the sleeveless one! The colors are better, the style of dress and print are better-it’s just all around the best dress for the occasion.
I personally do not wear sleeveless, not because of the size/shape/muscle tone or lack of muscle tone of my arm, but because I have ugly armpits. I have vitiligo in my armpits, the underside and back of my arm halfway to the elbow, and down my side to my waist-it’s GLOW IN THE DARK pale. I can let you imagine how the underarm hair follicles, being dark, looks against those ghost white patches of unpigmented skin. My underarms look like someone did a very bad self-tanning job on a man with a very heavy beard. If I wear sleeveless I get helpful people all day long telling me about this or that scrub or special soap or loofah that will get that stain off, or whispering to me that I’ve got a smudge of dirt on me! LOL! (the stain or dirt being the areas of pigmented skin around the non-pigmented area, which do look like streaks of self-tanner or smudges of dirt)
I wouldn’t worry about going sleeveless if I didn’t have this skin problem, but it attracts far too much attention and unsolicited advice-I’m not always in the mood to be an advocate for my skin problem.
The border print looks fantastic on you and your arms look just fine! You should totally wear this in the wedding.I’m with your sister but only concerning me, I’m very concious about my arms and never wear anything sleevles but I don’t feel the same for other women!
Go with the border print. You are beautiful and so is the dress.
I love, love, love this!! It’s perfect. So perfect that who would notice “imperfect arms”?
If you were super conscious about it, for pictures you could always carry a white, or other color in the dress, tasseled pashmina scarf/wrap and loosely let it hang on your arms, draping around your lower back. Hope that makes sense! Hard to put into words…
I love the border print dress the best. I think you look fab in it! I do like the lace dress too but agree that it’s a bit safe and doesn’t have the style that a Mother of the Groom outfit requires. I show my chunky arm tops all the time and don’t care a jot if anyone doesn’t like it! They don’t have to look at them do they?!! No barriers I say.