“Wow, did you make that?”
“I could never sew something like that. You are so talented!”
How do you handle compliments on your sewing? It’s the moment that I think most of us love and fear: someone knows you sew, they are honestly impressed, and they say something lovely. You feel flattered and proud… and then how do you respond?
Myself, I usually say something self-depreciating, like, “Oh, it’s just an easy pattern.” or “Look at this flaw in the hem! It’s totally crooked.” Then maybe I say, “Well, I don’t have kids, so I need a hobby!” And that’s silly, because I love the clothes I make, I value the time and skills that sewing takes, and I don’t care about those little flaws. I like when people find out I sew, but but then I create this silly stress that I have to be in awesome me-made clothes next time they see me!
I think lots of people have trouble accepting compliments, perhaps on our appearance most of all. Ironically, our blogging community is filled with profuse compliments – no one comments except when they are going to rave or perhaps offer advice if it’s asked for directly. All those blog compliments are great for our self-confidence… so then why can’t we take them in real life?
(If you can handle compliments gracefully, PLEASE teach me how in the comments!)
Here’s what I’ll try to say next time:
- “Thank you. I really enjoy my time sewing and learning new skills.”
- “Thank you. That means a lot coming from you – you’ve got great style!”
- “Thank you. I haven’t perfected my skills yet, but I love the learning process!”
- “Thank you. I’ve met such a great community through sewing, and it’s been fun to experiment with my sense of style.”
- “Thank you.” *mic drop, walk away*
How do you respond to compliments? What do you actually say, and is there anything you’d like to say instead?
I ran into this head first at Craftcation. I’ve been Instagramming my garment sewing journey and was working on a top right before I got there so when I wore it, and the days following, people were so amazingly kind with their compliments. I found the best thing for me to do was to be super respectful of the compliment they were giving. I’m sure I blushed a bit and stammered, but it was an honest heartfelt reaction from me. It’s easy to be self deprecating but if someone is taking time to offer you a compliment (especially another maker who knows) we should take the time to react to the full force of their compliment. I want that person to know that it really means a lot to me, even slightly embarrasses me. As for what I actually say, besides thank you, and how kind it is for them to say that, I will talk briefly about what making it was like. I’ve been working on getting just the right fit with the Tiny Pocket Tank so I may mention something about that if I’m wearing it at the time.
Hi! I just dropped in from Diary of a Sewing Fanatic.
I like you, find it hard to except a compliment. And we should learn because, well, most people wouldn’t
say them if they truly didn’t mean them. I mean sure there are some who give left handed compliments
like… oh, I could probably sew like that too if I had all the time you do since your kids are all grown. What
should I say then? Funny, since my kids are grown, married etc… I find my time filled even more so then
when they were home. I have to say to myself…. today is a sewing day!!!
Practice, I think is something we need when someone compliments us… look in the mirror and like you
said…. say something nice back. Thank you, appreciate that! Although, I sew for my granddaughters once
in a while. And their compliments……. PRICELESS!
I knit more than I sew, but I get this as well. I also went to grad school in linguistics, and I’ve spent a lot of time mulling over the compliment thing from a conversation-analysis perspective. So, brace yourself for incoming nerdery.
I think that one of the reasons the compliment thing is so rough is that the way we often signal that we’re not interested in continuing a conversation with someone is by offering the minimum possible response. So, for example, in the following conversation, B clearly wants A to buzz off:
A: Hey, B!
B: Oh, hi.
A: How are you doing?
B: Mmm, fine.
A: Oh, yeah? Did you have a good weekend?
B: Yup.
A: Hey, that dress looks really nice on you!
B: Thank you.
A: Did you make it?
B: Yup.
A: Wow, you’re so talented!
B: Thanks.
…etc. (That was painful even to *write.*)
Whereas, D, here, probably actually wants to talk to C:
C: Hey, D!
D: Oh, hey! I didn’t see you standing there! What’s up?
C: Not much, just checking in. How are you doing?
D: Eh, not quite awake yet, but I’m only on my second cup of coffee, so there’s still hope. You?
C: That tired? You must have had a heck of a weekend!
D: Ha – you know me, wild and crazy. Actually, I just got obsessed with this project I’m working on, and stayed up late sewing.
C: Oh, man, did you make the dress you’re wearing now? It looks great!
…and now D has two choices: respond with just a bare “thank you,” and risk leaving an awkward hole in the conversation that might convey “I don’t want to talk about it,” or say “thank you” and follow up with something. (D can also flat-out disagree with the compliment without the “thank you” bit, but I think we all agree that’s not a good response.)
Now we come to that great social prohibition: Thou Shalt Not Brag. So instead of saying, “thanks, I worked really hard on it and used some pretty uncommon finishing techniques that I’ve spent years perfecting,” D swings to the other side of the pendulum and says, “thanks – it’s not exactly haute couture, but with my figure, I’m just pleased to have clothes that fit right.”
Oh, D, I weep for you. (We’re all D, though, at some point.)
Anyway, my workaround – to avoid awkward pauses, bragging, and the terrible self-deprecation-monster – is to say “thank you” and then add some sort of very quick detail.
Like (for the one dress I’ve sewn): “Thanks! The fabric was a bridal-shower gift from a friend of mine! And look – pockets!”
Or (for a lace shawl, which is most of what I knit): “Thanks! I love this designer – she puts secret codes into her lace pieces, so if you know what you’re looking for, the pattern of holes on this one actually spells out the word ‘beloved’!”
The closest I try and come to self-deprecation might be something like: “Thanks! The thing I love about putting beads in my lacework is that it’s only a little harder than doing it without the beads, but it’s got such a high impact-to-effort ratio!” or “Thanks! I had to rip it out and start over about halfway through, so it spent about six months in the time-out corner, but I’m really glad I picked it back up again.”
It’s kind of like in improv, where you’re supposed to respond to your scene mate’s suggestions with “yes, and…” and never with “yes, but…” because the former extends the conversation while the latter cuts it off. I try to “thanks, and…” the compliments I get, and it generally seems to go well and keep things moving.
As for knit-on-demand? Hahahano. 😉
Thanks so much for sharing this! Now I know why I always feel compelled to say something after a compliment. And why it’s a good thing to do that. 🙂
That was an awesome response and makes so much sense. I already do what you suggested and give an extra detail, but I didn’t know why.
I learnt how to take compliments after I experienced how poorly most people receive them. I like to compliment people and it flummoxes them most of the time, but they almost always walk away smiling.
I have gone through several phases. When I was growing up every woman I knew sewed and a couple of my aunts could be ever so slightly catty when mentioning that some woman “doesn’t even sew,” so I grew up thinking that almost everyone sewed so when I was in my late teens to early 20s and someone seemed especially impressed that I sew I felt slightly insulted, like, “Of course I sew. What kind of woman do you think I am?” But I was also taught to be polite so I would just say thank you.
Then I started to figure out that a lot of women, maybe even most women, don’t sew, so I would talk about how easy it is and try to talk them into starting sewing and was always disappointed when they would make a dozen different excuses why they just “couldn’t.”
With age comes wisdom. (I hope) Finally, I’ve learned (most of the time) to just simply say thank you. Sewing is my thing but it’s not everyone’s thing and that’s okay.
I am also practicing the simple “thank you” and sometimes also the “I made it”, depending on the commenter.
More passive-agressive is the “hmmm – quite an INTERESTING pair of jeans, I must say…”
What I do try to teach some of my friends that sewing your own clothes has nothing do to with saving money, quite the opposite!
It is about getting a proper and better fit, and getting more fun garments from what few choices we have in my country for curvier sizes. (Black and Navy mainly)
“Curvy and would like a pair of jeans? -this is the jeans for this season. One model only, and we decide that this season the rise will be high-waisted. You fit better in a medium rise you say? Well, maybe next year… ”
(frustrated rant LOL)
I do try to smile and say thank you, especially if it’s something that was tricky.
I usually respond with something like “thank you, I love doing it” or when they ask how I have time to make things working two jobs I say “oh this is my therapy”.
This was a really interesting post!
I used to point out all my mistakes until I realized OTHER PEOPLE DIDN’T SEE THEM, they were complimenting me on my creativity and fine sewing job, that’s when I learned to give a big smile and say, “Thank you!” 😀
This is so timely as it happened to me just today! I find when an adult comments, I struggle to take the compliment and often belittle myself, but when a kid does it (I teach Grade 6) I have no problem just saying “Thanks!”
I”m a teacher too! I agree, so much easier when it comes from adoring kids! 😉
If I’m talking to someone who knows I sew, then I will say “Thank you, I worked very hard.” If it’s someone who doesn’t and I don’t feel like getting into the conversation with, I’ll just say “Thank you so much!” If they want to know where I got it, then I’ll say something like “Unfortunately, it’s one of a kind. The pattern is by____” let them make what they want of that. Honestly, the “you’re so talented!” thing bugs me a lot. Sewing is a skill that I’ve worked very hard to acquire and while there are people who have a natural flare for dressmaking, they don’t pop out of the womb being able to sew a straight seam. Also I feel like when they praise my talent it absolves them from realizing that this is something they can learn to do.
I agree that sewing is a skill anyone could learn – but like having a talent for music, math, or anything else, I bet it comes more naturally to some than others!
My mom is a talented quilter, she uses cloth to make pictures and suggest stories that is just beyond me and my abilities. Ask my mom to sew a dress and she has trouble matching a fabric to a pattern and she’s flummoxed. When she does, she calls me from the fabric store to go over what she’s seeing and figure out what would work.
AGREE!!! That sort of weird “compliment” annoys me too. I have messed about with yarn, fiber, fabric, thread and all that stuff for years. One learns a thing or two and develops skills. It isn’t some sort of fairy dust I snorted yesterday. It’s practice and learning. What they don’t want to say is, “I would rather watch tv than learn something” so they erase your learning and effort by calling it ‘talent’. Super annoying.
I have a related question: What about when people just ask, “Did you make that?” without the compliment? It makes me wonder if the garment in question looks unprofessional and homespun, or are they just asking because they know that I sew? Any good ideas for responses to that?
Angie.. That is what I experience practically every Sunday.. “Did you make that” for me its not about it looking homespun (in my opinion) .. They know that i sew and my favorite/most common things to sew are dresses so they find amusement in quizzing me on each dress by asking that same question The rare times I say “no, not this time.” They reply oh.. well you could’ve.. it always makes me laugh. Its almost like they are irritated that Im wearing RTW clothing at all.
What if you turn it on them and say, “Take a guess!”?
I suppose if I said that I really would find out what they’re thinking. 🙂 Usually this comes from people I know well and who love me, so I should just take it as a compliment.
Oooh, interesting! What would they reply if you said, “Yes, I did!”? I think most people would follow with a compliment, naturally!
“I did!” (Big smile) “Why do you ask?”
I also say “I did” and smile.
When I was a beginner, like you I did wonder what I should understand. And one day someone asked me if I had made the skirt I was wearing, and I said “no, but I made the jacket”. It was someone who knew that I sew, and who was regularly asking about the garments I make, otherwise I wouldn’t have talked about the jacket. Anyway, this was meaning that this person could not see the difference between hand made and RTW items. I think it was the greatest compliment I ever had. And it’s so good for self confidence !
What a great post, thanks for opening up the discussion!
Jen
Thanks Jen!
“Thank you.” This is all that is required for the compliment. If you negate the compliment, you place yourself and the other person in an awkward social situation. Just sincerely thank them for the compliment.
Unfortunately, women have been taught not to take pride in their accomplishments, talents, and skills that they have learned. Empower yourself. Empower others witnessing the interaction. Gracefully accept the compliment,
As to the “would you sew for me” that often follows in the conversation, I give one of three replies:
1. “I charge $25 per hour for custom work. You have to supply the fabric, pattern, notions, etc. It would take ‘X’ hours of work for your project. $25 is the going rate for seamstresses/dressmakers in this community.”
2. “I do not sew professionally for others. If you are wanting to learn how to sew, and provide all you sewing needs, machine, fabric, pattern, notions, etc., I will gladly teach you this skill.”
3. “Sewing at home is (often) more expensive than purchasing an item at the store. Yes, you get a custom made item, but custom costs.”
“As to the “would you sew for me” that often follows in the conversation…” When I was working (I’m retired) I used to be asked this all the time. I always answered that I sew as a hobby, to relax from the stresses of work. If I did it for someone else it would feel too much like work.
And I agree, just “thank you” is a good response. If I feel I need to add something else, I will say I like solving 3D puzzles, or I like the zen of repetitive seams.
I love these responses.. I always end up being called selfish when I say “Sorry, I don’t sew for others”
“You can’t afford me.” is always a good response to any unsavory request.
I don’t sew for other people except gifts. I don’t need another job. I have a job and other hobbies too.
There’s a few things I do to avoid sewing for others. It depends on the person/situation.
“I’ll let you know when I have time”, and then just never get back to them. This is repeatable. They either forget or stop asking.
Say, “I could put you in line. You’d be about 30 projects back, and it’s looking like I might free up by 2025 if I don’t add more projects.”
Look at them like they’re nuts and say, “Why would I do that?”
If it’s the particular fabric of my item, I just say I used it all.
“You can’t afford me” is ok, but then that opens the door to them arguing about how much I would charge and downgrading the value of skills, so once that happened I didn’t use that one anymore. People are remarkably rude sometimes.
As to compliments, I just say thank you. Some people know I sew, and will ask if I made it. Then I say “Yes, it took forever”, or “Yes I really like how it turned out”. No construction or other details. Details are for the sewing guild meetings. 🙂
Great responses!
Some guy in my choir kept bugging me about knitting him a pair of socks. I talked through the numbers right then and there and came out with a price of $1000, using the same rate I got paid for my day job because that’s where the time would have come from. He stopped after that.
I really don’t think people understand how much time and skill goes into all this.
I have learned to say “thank you, that’s very sweet of you” I accept compliment and give one right back at ya!!
Oh, nicely played!
Some people at work know that I sew and will ask. But usually it’s “I love your dress, where did you get it?!” And I reply “I made it!” And to the “wow!”…i always just say “thank you!” I may elaborate if they comment on something specific about it. Eg. A coworker commented on my well fitting (B5678) shirt. I sew button front shirts because I absolutely cannot buy them in the store (narrow shoulders plus a 7″ difference between full and under bust).
I would give a similar response… then look around and realise I just told the staff room exactly how big my boobs are! 😉
I suppose, but I don’t think most people are that informed about bra sizing. 🙂
Great insight that applies to me, too. How is that for another Web-based compliment?
Compliments are so much easier through the web! No need to blush and look awkward when no one can see us! 😉
I too just say “thank you!@”, but boy it sure took me a long time to be comfortable with that! If someone queries further about how or where I learned to sew, I go into more detail, otherwise just smile and let it go. Very hard to do at first, much easier now. 🙂
I”ll keep practicing!
I have learned o simply say thank you. When someone compliments me & I say anything negative I’ve found that I’m really saying, “you don’t know what you’re talking about”. How insulting that would be.
It’s true – but funny how that’s a very socially acceptable response regardless!
Usually “thank you I’m really pleased with it”. People do ask me to make them things and sometimes I feel like I have to, because they asked and admired it. I’m trying to get better at that.
When people ask me if I sew for others, I tell them, “Never. Sewing is stress relief and creativity for me. Plus, I’m slow. If I sewed for anyone else, it would take that away. I could not handle that.” I’ve never had anyone press me after that.
That’s a great response, Melinda. I feel exactly the same about sewing. I’ll sew for people I love, and sometimes only grudgingly at that! 😉
Reading the Selfish Seamstress blog, all those years ago, gave me the courage to refuse to sew things for others when I do not want to do it. There’s no need to explain your reasons to others. A simple statement, repeated firmly but kindly, is more than enough to make yourself clear. You should never accept responsibility for someone else’s reaction to your statement. If your simple statement makes someone angry, it is up to him or her to learn to anger management — not up to you to appease him or her.
Compliments are easy: smile and say, “Thank you!” For the friends who say, “Don’t tell me you made that yourself!” I smile and say, “Okay. I won’t tell you.” Then we laugh and laugh, because now they think they know that I made it myself. Or not, which makes me laugh even harder.
This used to be difficult for me to cope with. Now I feel so much more assured with the quality of what I sew and only use the best fabric I can afford I am much more comfortable about accepting compliments. I just smile and say ‘thank you’. If I’m asked to sew for someone else I politely refuse, Ne excuses, no explanation, when I tried to do that I found friends tried to shoot down my reasons for refusing. So now it’s a polite ‘no sorry’ . I’m 70 and don’t have the same focus and energy levels I used to have sadly.
I have to say, I’ve never once had anyone follow through with a “oh wow, make me one too!” sort of comment! Thank goodness… 🙂
If they find out you sew, they seem to always have curtains to be made, pillows for the couch, reupholster this chair please?, or quilts, baby items, whatever. It doesn’t seem to have to do with the actual item I made. It’s just weird.
Just the other day, “You’re in a sewing guild, right? Can you make blinds for the work conference room?”
For that one I said “I think there’s places to buy those.” but I was looking at him like he was nuts. Sigh.
If someone admires what I am wearing, I just say ‘thank you’. It would be impolite of me to try to ‘correct’ their opinion.
If they want to know more, they are surely capable of asking eg ‘Where did you buy it?’
Depending on the situation and the person, there are two or three answers to that question or similar ones. ‘Oh, it was made for me’ and ‘Actually, it’s a German/Italian/Russian design'(depending on the pattern’s origin) are my usual. utterly truthful answers. Much more rarely I will say that I didn’t buy it, but made it myself.
My problem is that while I’m internal monologuing “Don’t tell the you made it!” then I usually realise there has been a totally awkward pause, and I should have just bragged! 😛
Stand in front of the mirror, and practice saying ‘Gillian, I do like your dress!’ then look yourself in the eyes and say ‘Oh, thank you!’ with a bright smile to your reflection. When you no longer feel silly or awkward doing that, get a close friend or family member to frequently offer you a similar compliment at random moments (preferably when you’re wearing your oldest clothes to clean out the gutters or the chicken coop, to make it totally ridiculous) and respond with ‘Oh, thank you!’ until you can say it with a straight face and without a moment’s hesitation.
That makes doing the real thing in a real situation so much easier. Try it!
Ha, love that idea. Possibly practice a regal thank you wave at the same time? ?
I used to have this problem too until I realised: yes I am so clever! Yes I am talented! Yes I am stylish! Yes I am fantastic! 🙂 So now if anyone compliments me I take it gracefully with a genuine thank you and a smile! No buts or ifs or nos
Love this. Pride in work done well isn’t vain
You are the inner monologue we all need! Someone to whisper in our ear, “Girl, you are fabulous!”
I usually just say thank you. Sometimes they know if was made by me because they recognize the fabric and then that opens a dialogue with someone. I more often get asked how I have the time to sew on top of working full time and raising 2 small children. The answer is bedtime. I can get a lot of sewing done between 7:30 and 9pm and still have time to watch a good show before my own bedtime.
I bet you feel great about yourself after getting some nightly sewing done – something that isn’t always true after hours of watching tv! Glad you’ve figured out a way to make time for hobbies!
Depends on how well the sewing goes! Ha! It can just add to the stress of the evening when my machine doesn’t behave or I keep trying to sew on piping with an invisible zipper foot…
I just say Thank You, and leave it at that. I learned a long time ago to not say BUT, because usually what follows is an explanation! It also takes the compliment away from the giver, so a smile and a thank you are it!
That’s a good way to think about it!
I just say thank you or yes I’m quite pleased how it turned out. I’m proud of my work. I put a lot of effort and time in to make one of a kind pieces and I tend to use traditional south african shwe shwe fabric so i get a lot of compliments. When ppl find out I made the garment/ bag I just smile!
Ooh, shwe shwe has such visual impact! I’ve never had any to sew with, but if I find some, I’ll snap it up! What’s your source?
“Thank you. I enjoy the time I’ve spent sewing. I’ve met some fantastic people online that help when I have problems. The best thing about sewing it is helps me get in touch with my creativity.”
“Help me when I have problems”! True for sewing problems, but my favourite thing about the lovely sewing community s that it’s true for all kinds of problems. Whatever is wrong in life, sewing people are there to listen and support!
I say “Thank you. I taught myself to sew the summer after 8th grade and I think it’s one of the best decisions I ever made!”
I love it!
If you have trouble accepting compliments, take baby steps. Just say, “Thank you.”. Once you get more comfortable with taking compliments, you can begin to elaborate.
I say thank you, then I pause awkwardly… I need to get rid of that pause! 🙂
Thank you Gillian for asking this question. When someone compliments my sewing, I just glow. I always say thank you and often express how much fun it is to sew. I am actually desperate to have clothes that fit so when someone notices that I am delighted.
Two things:
1. Isn’t it amazing having clothes that fit and that you life? Looking back, I can remember so much stress about clothes that sewing could have avoided!
2. I”m really relieved if this post doesn’t come across as humble-bragging about getting compliments. I just think it’s so interesting!
I give an enthusiastic, “Thanks!!” to a compliment. It’s when someone asks, “Did you make that?” that I panic. Are they asking because they’re impressed? Curious? Or….gulp….does it LOOK homemade and I’m embarrassing myself wearing it? I hate not know where the “did you make that” question is coming from.
I often feel the same way when people ask “Did you make that?” Then I realized that so many of the people I work with now know that I make the majority of my clothes and usually – they are stunned what I’m wearing could be made by a person they know. Versus the nameless/faceless people who produce ready to wear. I just say “Yes, I did. Thank you” If it’s someone I know really well – I might ask Why they are asking and ask if it looks homemade! Enjoy the compliments – they are good. g
Ahahaha – I don’t think I’d ever thought of it that way! What if I’ve been interpreting things as compliments that were actually side-eye about my weird clothes?!!! (Oh well, can’t say it matters in the end…)
I think it’s best to just pleasantly say, “thank you.” People who don’t sew don’t normally care to know more. And whether they sew or not, if they want to know more about your project or skills, they’ll keep the conversation going.
Good point!
I am really good about just saying Thank you. It was learned from being in music/band for so many years. As an artist (which I think most sewist are) they automatically see a less than perfect performance. But for an audience member, they don’t know the nuance, what is on the sheet music, or what the pattern instructions said. So, from their perspective it is really good, so you should just accept it.
Most of my counter parts know I sew most of my wardrobe and will comment about a new outfit or item of clothing. If I follow up on it, I will say “Thank you, I really love being able to pick my fabrics and make exactly what I want.”
The best compliment I got was from a woman who told me “You have the most amazing style. You wear your clothes, they don’t wear you. They fit so well, you obviously must make them. You have an amazing talent.”
Isn’t that interesting! I, too, worked as a musician for many years and got used to the idea that most people did not hear the mistakes that I heard. With sewing, my clothes fit SO much better than ready-to-wear that I am not embarrassed about them. I’m not yet ready to enter them in any sewing contests – there’s usually something “off” with each garmet – but I’ve realized that the only people who would even appreciate the little mistakes are other sewists.
People who know me know that I sew most of my clothes. They are the ones who usually give me compliments. To them, I’ll answer, “Yes I did! This was so much fun and is so comfortable” or “Yes I did! I’ve had this fabric for 7 years in my stash and finally figured out what to do with it!” or “Yes, thanks. This was such a bear, I’m so relieved it turned out well. For a while, I wasn’t sure who was going to win.” I realize that my friends are saying nice things and are interested in a little bit of info about the garmet, or the fabric, or the sewing process.
I just don’t wear anything that looks like “loving hands at home”. Maybe other people would not notice, but I do not like being able to assume that “Did you make that?” is a compliment. So I make muslins if the fabric is pricey, sew slowly, baste if things are tricky, press, try on and adjust, and then wear with joy.
Comparing it to life as a musician is such an interesting take! Wearable art, instead of auditory art. I like it!
(And that is a wonderful, perceptive compliment from that person – well deserved!)
I always say “Thank you!”. Those who know me, know I sew and will ask if I made the garment. Then we talk. And if they ask questions, then we discuss difficulty, issues, etc. I know who among my friends and acquaintances are non-sewers so usually the conversation ends with my “Thank you!” as they do not want details. My sewing friends and relatives want the DETAILS!!
It’s always nice to have sewists to talk to!
well of course we love the compliment but are afraid that they will ask us to make something for them , which I have done but sewing for others is nerve -wracking…if I make a mistake on something for myself I can just throw it out
Sewing for other people is SO MUCH MORE STRESSFUL!
A compliment is a great way to acknowledge those people in your life who have helped you. Something like, “Thank you. The mother of a dear friend helped me to learn how to sew. I always think of her when sewing is mentioned.” (This is true) Or when thanked for sewing something for someone else, “Thank you. I loved it when my grandmother sewed dresses for me when I was young and am grateful that I can follow her example.” (This is also true)
That’s a really lovely strategy!
I just say, “I like it too!| ” and laugh (toe in the dirt, struggling to be humble sort of thing :)) I might even blather on about where I bought the material and what it is and a few challenges I had to deal with just like I would talking to another sewer until their eyes glaze over and I know I’m over extending my welcome. In other words I treat everyone like another sewer. We’ve all got potential after all AND if I can inspire another to have a go at it all the better – one can never have too many sewing pals.
Ahh, neat way to think about it! Potential sewists all around!
What a thought provoking post Gillian. I am usually busy nit picking my mistakes so possibly don’t notice when compliments are genuine. But we have a 19yo living with us this year. She asked why I don’t ever wear the things I make. I suppose that’s s compliment because I often have at least one hand made garment on – guess they may just pass muster!
How interesting! I definitely would take that as a compliment that your clothes are stealth-RTW (but better!)
“Thank you. What a nice thing to say” works for most compliments (and gives one in return). I’m normally having to prevent myself from saying “I know! Aren’t I brilliant”
Exactly!
Or a simple smile and a “Thank you!” works well too.
Clean and simple!
I simply say thank you!
Or if I feel compelled to say more, I say ‘I really enjoy sewing’.
I’m afraid if I say too much someone will say ‘well, since you like to sew I have this ——– that needs hemmed/fixed/whatever! Worst case scenario!!!
Hehehe – at least you can always say: Sorry, but no! My sewing time is precious to me!
My new year’s resolution one year was to learn how to take a compliment. I got really good at just saying ‘thank you!’ and meaning it. I also like ‘thank you! I like it a lot too!’ I don’t often get sewing specific compliments, usually only from the two or three people at work who know I sew. One is a sewer herself so I feel ok saying ‘I didn’t get the hem quite right but I’m really pleased with the fit of the bodice’ and she’ll say ‘what pattern is it?’ and then we can talk about seam finishes. The other is crafty but doesn’t sew herself, I usually say something like ‘thank you! I am really enjoying wearing it too!’ I do occasionally get a random compliment from others, or from family and friends, and I have to say I have more trouble accepting those compliments than others, and I don’t know why! I think perhaps because it’s a thing I have ostensible control over – I feel like I have minimal control over my appearance in a lot of ways and so the way I got better at accepting compliments, oddly, was to not take it personally! When it’s my skill that’s being commented on I find it very strange and confronting. I am trying to get better at not being embarrassed about my hobbies (my previous boss commented and complimented my sewing a lot but it was always a bit condescending and another coworker referred to it as my ‘little hobby’ and clearly thought it was very strange so i may have some hangups!) and instead taking pride in them, and in sharing them with others.
At bottom, I think that women are trained to minimise themselves and the things that are important to them. And because clothes, appearance, and sewing are all ‘feminised’ things (in the public imagination at least) it feels strange to accept compliments about them! The thing that helped me most with appearance compliments was thinking about how RUDE it is to say ‘oh that thing you liked enough to mention? Oh no, it’s actually garbage’ Have you seen this post from Shapely prose (man I miss that site) http://kateharding.net/2010/04/23/slightly-pre-friday-sorta-fluff-im-kate-fucking-harding/
Thank you for sharing that link to Kate’s blog post! I thoroughly enjoyed her rant 🙂 and of course couldn’t resist sharing it on facebook.
I”m going to go read that article next! Thanks!
recently I went to a quilt fabric store here in Tennessee and was wearing my Jalie Stretch jeans and the lady at the counter ask me if I liked to sew quilts, I said that eons ago I began sewing quilts but my main focus now is clothing and proceeded to show her my jeans. OMG she said and I just say thank you, what else can you say? Sometimes other people say: oh! bless your heart and then you just smile hehehehehehe
It’s interesting to me how we all feel like the kind of sewing we do is easy, but the types of sewing other people do can still feel hard! I’m intimidated by fancy quilts, but I can knock out a bra or jeans easily!
I’m normally ok at saying ‘thanks’ when it’s someone who doesn’t sew, It’s when it’s a fellow sewer, in person, that I tend to point out specific flaws! I find a lot of people that don’t sew follow up a compliment by saying they could never do the same / aren’t creative – and I always make sure to tell them they could, it just takes practice & time!
DO=o you ever drop a truth bomb on people by saying, “Thanks, I dyed the fabric with plants I grew in the garden, and then I sewed it?”
I don’t think I’ve.gotten any compliments. But I think thats because most people don’t realize I’ve made.my.clothes myself.
yeah, if you don’t say (and you are good) people don’t notice.
Ooh, stealthy! I guess if you never tell people you sew, they’ll never guess!
I’m going to be really complimentary as say that this was such a great post and very true! My teen aged daughter had another girl compliment her on a skirt I made her. When she found out that it was made by me, the girl immediately asked if I would make her one also. Alas I wasn’t there at the time and my daughter who is only 13 and quite shy didn’t know what to say. To this compliment, I would say “Thank you and sure thing! You go pick out the fabric and then I can show you how to make one too!” What is that saying? Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day but teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. The same goes for sewing. She’d learn, catch the sewing bug, fall in love with the process and learn a heap of skills while dressing herself in handmade fashion.
For other compliments, I just say thankyou, I love to sew and I love to wear what I make (or see my children wear what I make). It’s an act of love to sew for my loved ones.
TEACH THE CHILDREN TO SEW! Seriously, everone should know how, and you are right – everyone is a potential sewist in the making.
Glad you enjoyed the post!
I have learned to simply say Thank You…unless the person shows interest in discussing sewing etc. more…What helped me to reach that point is when I read/heard that when I put myself down in response to the compliment it is as if I am spitting on the persons compliment…
I accept their compliment a gift and whether or not they are sincere it is the spirit I have chosen to accept it in…
It has helped me in many situations …
That’s a wonderful philosophy!
I design lace patterns and I often get compliments. I read an article once that said we don’t accept compliments and after that I just say “Thank you” and smile.
It certainly is an ego boost, even better when people buy your patterns and keep coming back to buy more.
That must be a fantastic feeling!