Note: This piece is part of our Curvy Opinions series. It contains frank discussion of body image and the language surrounding it.
Five years ago, I began blogging. For the first few months of writing Idle Fancy, each new follower or comment was a tiny bit of wonder. I started the blog, out of a pure wish to share the hobby that had consumed all my spare time, not as a quest to become a capital-B blogger. That anyone would like my projects was mind-boggling. After watching my friends go dead-eyed at talk of darts and pleats, finding a community of like-minded people was a revelation. Five years later, I’m still amazed that anyone cares about my sewing. I would sew a thousand shirtdresses, even if no one read about them. Sewing is my haven away from the stressors of book deadlines and IV drips.
What I didn’t expect, however, was that blogging about sewing would open me up to a different kind of stress entirely. While sewing has improved my self-image a hundred fold, blogging has given me all sorts of new things to be self-conscious about. Over the past few years, I’ve received emails and comments informing me that my poses for pictures are childish, that I need to smile more and smirk less, and that the silhouettes I sew are doing me no favors. That last one, particularly, touches a nerve. Through the magic of StatCounter, I recently stumbled across a forum thread about dressing to flatter your figure, in which I was mentioned. While the original poster said some lovely things about my blog and self, the only thing I heard was this paraphrased bit: Remember that silhouette can make you appear much heavier than you are! Why, I was perusing Idle Fancy’s archives and found this picture of her in sheath dress. It’s like she dropped twenty pounds. So flattering!
Flattering. Flattering. Flattering. Is there any more backhanded word in the English language? It’s a word made all the worse by intent. When someone tells a woman that something looks flattering on her, they mean it as a compliment. What I hear, as a plus-size woman, is something entirely different. Flattering always seems to mean that a garment makes me look skinnier or covers up my supposed “flaws” well. It’s a compliment, because obviously I want to look skinnier. Obviously, there are things I need to camouflage.
That is, pardon the language, bullshit. Fashion should not be about hiding one’s body. That’s the number one trap that plus size pattern designers fall into, after all, assuming that what the larger woman wants most is to cover up her body in swaths of fabric. What a depressing worldview! If every morning I woke up and thought, “Gee, what will hide my body best today?” I would never get dressed at all. I would stay in my pajamas, eat nothing but macarons, and never leave the house again. Instead, thanks to sewing, I look at my closet and plot how gorgeous I’m going to look that day. That’s right, gorgeous. Not skinny, not how best to show off my waist or appear to have longer legs. Just me, looking super foxy. Getting dressed is a chance to show off my personal style and love of my body.
There’s the crux of my problem with flattering. It’s not that a sheath dress was flattering to me; I was flattering the sheath dress. My body was making that tube of fabric look good, not the other way around. We’re trained to talk about clothes, as if they’re magic bullets to fix all of our body problems. Well, what if we don’t think our bodies are a problem? What if they’re treated as gorgeous canvases for pretty garments? It’s not that a dress makes your waist look small. Your waist is that small. You are that sexy. Your body deserves praise. A dress on a hanger is a sad, limp thing. It’s the wearer’s body that brings out its charms.
Yes, there are pieces that will highlight different aspects of our bodies, but this isn’t trickery. It’s the nature of design variation. What’s more, if floofy-skirted dresses make me feel confident, that’s what I’m going to wear. Who gives a feck if sheath dresses are supposedly better for my figure? Better, according to what standard? I love the ease of movement and unabashed femininity of a full skirt. I love how my body wears them. That makes them better for me.
Of course, it would be the height of boorishness to lecture my loved ones or random commenters on this point. (Other than my husband, who never uses the word flattering anyway, bless him!) People mean well with “flattering,” which is what’s really important. I take the compliment with a smile and appreciate the person’s intended kindness. The sassy retort only happens in my mind. However, I actively seek to break the cycle. When a friend asks my opinion of a skirt, I don’t compliment the skirt, I compliment her. Compliments, after all, shouldn’t come with caveats. Clothes aren’t meant to fix the problems of a woman’s body; they are merely adornments to show it off. I don’t want to enhance my appearance, as most dictionaries insist flattering it should do. Instead, I want to revel in its authentic beauty, no matter the size on my tag.
I’m curious, friends. Is there any supposed compliment that really gets your hackles up? Am I being too sensitive about flattering garments? Admittedly, I’m a writer, so my tendency is to overanalyze language and the way it’s used.
Interesting discussion. The most annoying thing for me is when I read (blogs, reviews etc) where people make excuses for their body. Typically they comment about when they were younger they were skinny (wanting to be in the past – how they really aren’t meant to be THIS size – that they really aren’t a true “big” person), or they cover it in envy about women with tighter bodies (not droopy bits). I love it when people just be who they are. I will accept them and not judge. I also don’t like it when some women throw grenades at other women with snide remarks like – they really need to learn how to fit (code for get a bigger size). To me it is not just one word – it is a context and the intent. I take compliments and I know a back-handed one when I see it. I don’t mind the word flattering, I would just note of what appears around it to ascertain the intent of the person.
Being seven months pregnant and being told by my mother in law, “Wow, you look good! You hardly look pregnant!” In other words, I always look seven months pregnant and looking pregnant is bad even if you ARE pregnant is bad???? I am way more confident in my body than she is in hers and she a stick figure that looks way older than she is. My fat fills in my wrinkles nicely.
I struggle with flattery – it either comes across as ‘you look less frumpy’ (female) or ‘how much do you charge?’ (male). Being busty (very), high street fashion is either fitted (hence the call girl comments) or tents (the frumpy comments).
Unfortunately society dictates that we must all conform to a size dictated by designers wanting 3D clothes hangers for their designs. The guilt that is placed on those who don’t conform scars to the point we don’t see ourselves as the beautiful individuals that we are (regardless of whether or not we are photogenic). So flattery is taken as an insult.
We need to change that mindset. Meet each flattering comment with a thank you because what the flattering comment is saying in subtitles is “you rock & are absolutely gorgeous”
I just loved reading this and could not agree more.
I like the way Stacey and Clinton on “What not to wear” approach it. They help even their plus size participants pick things that will look great on them. There is never anything negative, just what will look great on them. I’ve learned a lot from them. (Only in reruns now)
Well yes, “every morning I woke up and thought, “Gee, what will hide my body best today?”is how I’ve approached dressing for the past 20 years when back problems sidelined exercise and I picked up 40 extra pounds. That is, well, until very recently when a dear friend told me honestly to stop hiding my body in ‘flowing’ fabric, that there’s nothing wrong with my size 18 proportionate body. I’ve started sewing for myself more. Thank you for this blog. I’ll be following it regularly.
Regarding the cultural aspects. My Chinese students often feel perfectly comfortable in advising me about how to eat and exercise…because I am obviously too stupid to know. Some of them go so far as to stroke or pinch my biceps. Not sure if it’s good luck or something, but some of the other Chinese tell me they are ill mannered in doing so. However the more polite ones sometimes bring me back special teas from China???? Others from various countries tell me I’m not fat…so politely. When you get these comments so often, you get pretty think skinned.
I think that people look at your eyes. Good colour choices bring out your eye colour and make you look more alive….I call that “flattering”.
I agree about the “flattering” comments. they are a backhanded comment really.
In my job teacher of adults every day, I have to look as though I care about my appearance, out of respect to my students, however, I have students from every ethnicity and every religion in my class every day so it is impossible to please them all. I have to choose colours that I like, and cuts that don’t make me look like I put on a sack each day. I am 117 kg. I have curves, and I even go “in” at the middle. My daughter says I am a perfect hour glass…I don’t want to hide my curves. My biggest problems in that when others are feeling chilly or even freezing, i feel unbearably hot. I have to dress in a way that suits my body. I need to be comfortable when I teach. I can’t escape from the heat at work. In summer the aircon doesn’t work effectively, in winter the heater blasts the whole building. I feel more self conscious about sweat beading or even pouring down my face and losing breath while I teach, than about hiding my body. Therefore, I wear light sleeveless clothes a lot, but due to my large thighs, I need wide leg pants. I cannot be comfortable in skirts or narrow thighed trousers. But do you think I can find these wide thigh creations? I find that makers of plus size design all the clothes extremely broad shouldered, and narrow in the upper arms and thighs. I have some cargo pants and some long lycra wide leg trousers, but that’s it. So now i am about to embark on some sewing of culottes in amazing fabrics to complement my lovely selection of sleeveless and elegant tops. I am on the hunt for some good patterns for this purpose.
My least favorite “compliment” came re: a new haircut. The remark: “Oh, that looks so much better!” said with great enthusiasm. It left me thinking, “Good grief, just how awful did I look before?”
If you read books and magazine articles on choosing clothes, it seems as though nobody is ever good enough and everyone has “figure flaws”.
If you have large hips you’re supposed to dress one way to “camouflage” that. If you are top-heavy you’re supposed to dress a different way to “camouflage” that. If you have a small waist you’re supposed to wear a light coloured belt to make it look bigger, if you have a large waist, a dark coloured belt to look smaller.
It seems that everyone is supposed to make themselves look as bland and homogenous as possible. No doubt there’d be some suggestion for people who were “too perfect” to make them look less so!
That is quite terrible what they said on the forum… Just for the record, I think you look awesome in everything! Hmmmm, in regard to the word flattering, this is a tricky one. I have a friend who is size 6 and as straight up and down as an ironing board. There are certain styles that look great on my size 18 curvy figure that would look terrible on her body shape and be very ‘unflattering’. She knows what suits her body shape and dresses accordingly, as do I. But I understand what you’re saying about complimenting the person rather than the clothes. What I find offensive, is when I lost some weight (during a very stressful time a few years back) and was a size 14 and friends were saying, “You look great!” And I was like, “So what did you think I looked like before!?! And seriously, I might look great, but my mind is a mess and I’m going through hell with a crazy ex stalking me!” I can thankfully say, I am now a happy and healthy (both mentally and physically) size 18 again!
I’d never really thought about ‘flattering’ that way but I’ll use it with care in the future! Having turned 40 last year (and now 41), I’ve developed a pet peeve about the compliment ‘You don’t look 40!’. I know people mean well. But what I hear is ’40 is REALLY old’. When I don’t mind sounding bolshy, I reply with ‘Well, this is what 40 looks like’.
That’s a really good parallel, Catherine. Just because the complimenter means it in a well-intentioned way, it shows that the underlying assumption is all wrong. You’re EXACTLY what 40 looks like! And there’s nothing wrong with looking whatever way one does at 40, regardless of whether people think that’s “older-looking” or “younger looking” then their arbitrary standard.
Yes. You are being too sensitive. The word flattering means “to show to advantage” or “represent favorably.” It has such synonyms as “enhancing”, “favorable”, “laudatory”, and “complimentary”. It’s only your own perception that makes it an insult (this is actually 100% true of all perceived insults, but that’s beside the point). There is nothing in its definition that makes it a comment on size. But when you take it out of context and blow it up with your own personal idea of what it means, it makes you upset. You are literally making yourself upset with an imagined definition of the word. Why would you do that to yourself?
Everybody, every shape, size, and color, has things that are flattering and things that are not. The flattering clothing brings out their natural beauty, and the not flattering clothing makes them look weird and misshapen or blotchy. I can’t wear orange because of my skin color. I am not angry at orange, nor am I angry at people if they tell me orange isn’t a flattering color on me, because it’s a simple statement of fact, not something I need to take personally. Blue, on the other hand, looks amazingly flattering on me. And I don’t take offense when people tell me that either. Because it would be ridiculous and self-sabotaging to take such things personally, especially when they’re far from being offensive. It’s vital that we take the time to really explore why we blow things out of proportion or take offense unnecessarily — if for no other reason that we undermine ourselves if we overreact, and then when something is truly offensive (sexist or racist, for example), we look like the little boy who cried wolf, and no one listens to our opinion.
“Flattering”…..it almost seems a cop out from saying anything that is actually complementary doesn’t it. its better to say “that color looks amazing on you.” or “You rock that dress!”
One of my pet peeves is that “Curvy” seems to automatically equal plus size….(and im not knocking plus size, i used to be plus sized)….you can be smallish and curvy. Ive got one of those lil but very defined hourglass figures, but im lucky if i can keep up a pair of size 8 (off the rack) jeans on without a belt. Mostly i found my way to this blog to learn how to sew around a full bust.. most off the rack clothes and many patterns do not allow for an 11 inch bust to waist differential.
I heard once that women compliment clothes and men are more likely to compliment the woman in the clothes. I took that to heart. I try to tell someone they look fab today or “in that color/dress” rather than “that dress looks great on you.” It’s not tge dress we should be impressed with.
Love this dialogue. Thanks.
Remember that TV show, “what not to wear” or “queer eye for the straight guy”? Seriously, there were entire TV shows based on fixing people or drawing attention away from their flaws and no one saw the problem. Don’t even get me started on Project Runway who do ONE plus-size episode (the models were size 14!!!) and thinks they’re so progressive. Awww, thanks for making the fat girls more acceptable… you’re so courageous. F*ck flattering. So backhanded. NO ONE gets it. Thank you for this article and validating my constant frustration with the way people talk about others’ bodies (and their own for that matter).
You cannot change a definition intentionally, just to be offended. We cannot preach about acceptance of anything, while purposefully excluding people from saying ANYTHING to us about our looks. If WE are confident and feel sexy, then why are we negating the positive remarks. Yes, you can wear things that flatter you. It’s not an abstract, it’s not a standard of beauty, it’s a tangible item touching your tangible assets. I have no natural bust. If I went and bought a dress that is darted so far out that a DD can barely fill it, it doesn’t matter how much I weigh – it’s not flattering. If I wore a trash bag to a party, I would be looked at as novelty – at best, I’d be sweating something fierce, my makeup would be running and no one would think I could fit into anything smaller. It’s NOT flattering. A gorgeous cocktail dress tailored to my proportions, made of a nice light material? Flattering.
Let’s stop pretending EVERYTHING is flattering because we’re big girls and we are proud of it. There is such a thing as taste and style, regardless of body size. The more we nitpick and search deep to find offense where none is given (frankly, none is even warranted – unless you are arguing that you look exactly the same when you get up in the morning as when you are at a formal dinner). the more we distance ourselves from others, and frankly, we’ve done enough isolation in our lives. And no, your body alone doesn’t make that “tube of fabric look good”, because someone who weighs exactly the same but proportioned differently wouldn’t even fit into it. It fits you as well as you fit it.
I also find it rather interesting that in your bio, you “live for floral fabric” – because YOU find it flattering, both to your own eye and yourself. That was your very first thing, a tangible item, that has beauty and depth, that makes you feel good. It’s hypocritical to call out people for paying a compliment on a well-sewn or well-fitting garment, deride people for using a VERY nice compliment, then complain people are paying you compliments because you are prettier… than the clothes you wear? No. We all have “rag” clothes we wear when we don’t feel good, we have clothes that make us feel sexy because they fit us properly (whether it’s a good pair of jeans or a floor-length gown). To state that visuals are not important, because it’s unfair to take the ENTIRE package in, negates the entire point of making your own clothing or liking any fabrics.
Can I please just hug this post? Especially this quote, which may find it’s way to my Facebook page, with permission: “It’s not that a dress makes your waist look small. Your waist is that small. You are that sexy. Your body deserves praise. A dress on a hanger is a sad, limp thing. It’s the wearer’s body that brings out its charms.” YES YES YES. I once had a woman where I worked tell me that I should wear “those sheath dresses all the time” because they “didn’t make me look so busty. I mean, what’s the problem with my bust? It’s been there since I was twelve and God willing, isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. I love my figure and I’m so happy to have found the CSC where we can celebrate and love and adorn our figures! Thank you so much for this, Mary!
So I have to play devil’s advocate a bit here. What is so wrong with wanting something to be “flattering”? It seems this post kind of comes from the perspective of like, “I don’t care if my clothes flatter me and I choose them strictly because I think they’re pretty”, but I think that to some degree, we all DO care about if things flatter us or not. For example, everyone making the Ginger Jeans wants pockets that flatter their butt. It’s not that our butt is actually any different before or after the jeans, but we all know a garment can change how the body part looks. So if I want my pockets positioned in a way that I consider most flattering, as in “make my butt look as round & big as possible”, is that really a problem? I don’t think it is.
I’d argue that’s a huge part of why all of us sew–to make clothes that flatter us. Personally, I can’t stand RTW now because the shoulder sleeves sit too far back, the waist isn’t small enough if it fits my bust, the pants are too long, etc. Those clothes don’t FLATTER me. Clothes that fit me, flatter me, and that’s why I sew. I mean…isn’t this true for pretty much everyone?
I think sometimes plus-size women, especially those that embrace their size, feel a pressure to say, “Oh no, I don’t care about making my waist look small or my butt look round or, or, or…” But I believe it’s totally okay to be like, “Hell yeah, I LOVE how my boobs look in this dress, or how my waist looks in this skirt!” For example, I love circle skirts or pleats because I love how they sit across my waist and hips, and don’t like gathers because they don’t make me feel the same. These thoughts don’t have to mean that we’re fetishizing skinny, or thinking that we are “good” because our waist looks small. They just mean that’s how we felt like looking that day, and we like it!
So I guess what I really mean is…if people tell you something is flattering, sure, maybe they mean it as a “you look skinny” thing. But you don’t have to take it that way at all, and I’d try to give people the benefit of the doubt and think they’re just giving a compliment, not necessarily being backhanded, even if it’s “that’s so flattering and your waist look so tiny!”. There are always going to be some people who do believe that “you look skinny” is really the highest compliment that can be paid. Does it really do any good to lecture them? In my experience, it doesn’t, and often comes off as looking defensive, even when we don’t mean it that way. And while I also wish there was a way to say, “Thanks, but I don’t care about that!”, it’s usually easier to say something like, “Thanks, I really love this color on me” or something like that. It at least acknowledges that the person is trying to be nice, and it does an okay job of changing the subject away from weight. Perhaps you should write some kind of brainstorming post in which we all try to come up with great, non-corny ways to politely thank someone for these kinds of comments, while still showing them that skinny doesn’t really matter?
I think I’m rambling, though, so hopefully this makes sense!
Hi all, I just found this site yesterday and am reading through the archives, but wanted to chime in. I’m from Germany and found flattering to be backhanded, but the negative connotations may be more pronounced here. As in – you want to dismiss a compliment, you’d say “flatterer”.
I like to say “This (garment, colour, style) suits you” – and after reading the article and comments I hope that’s not offensive?
Maybe I’d better use “This looks fantastic on you”.
I used to hate “oh, you’ve lost weight / look thinner”, because I never did. Now I just tell them no, but the garment has since I fitted it to me, or that it’s an optical illusion, since they remember me stouter than I am, because I’m so short.
I can accept a compliment with a simple thank you, but not if it implies some sort of motivation I don’t have. Even worse is when I compliment someone and the reaction shows they think me envious and get defensive or reply with some faked compliment. I have RTW-shopping-envy or fabric-envy, not body issues. I dislike clothes shopping because I’d rather sew something from scratch than try my usual alterations on new clothes.
I still frown on “you’d be prettier with a smile”. My automatic response translates to “And this sentence is supposed to make me?”. I don’t mind bitching at those people.
Fantastic post Mary! I am disgusted that people would make comments about how you pose, smile, look, etc. Being told an outfit is not flattering is just rude unless you specifically asked for an opinion. But sadly I have experienced the same thing in real life. “That makes you look bigger than you are.” Really? My reply – I made it like that because it is super comfortable. How about ” that dress makes you look so slim” or “have you lost weight?”. Yes, sheath dresses tend to get me comments like that. People think they are paying me a compliment, but when you think about it, they are really insulting my normal curves. Society says we must strive for slim even if we have to squish our bodies to hide reality. Yes, I have breasts like melons and a generous tummy, backside and hips, and no, I won’t wear squashing undergarments because I get stomach aches. I know my bum looks wide in a dress with full skirt, but who cares? I’m comfy and can swoosh around.
You are a beautiful inspiration! Thank you for sharing your wise words xxx
This article is brilliant and really resonates with me. I had someone say recently that a garment made my boobs look big, ahhhh hello? they are!! Seriously! I also had someone at work once say to me “I wonder what you’d look like thinner?” (ya what) and someone else surprised that I felt the cold – like being a bit larger (than them) suddenly makes me impervious to temperature changes! People just do not think sometimes.
Oh dear, my can of worms has been opened….
Many of my larger friends seem to not feel the cold as acutely as i do…when i was larger i used to be able to go out in 30*F weather in a sweatshirt…now i need thermals, snow boots and a hoodie under my coat!
Thank you so much for this article! I just started sewing, and I’ve been looking into buying a book to help me out with making clothing. So far ALL OF THEM have at least a full chapter telling me how to find my “body type” and how to make clothes that are “flattering for my shape”. I’m so tired of this. We are all adults, and can wear what we want. I just made my first skirt today, and I love it! It’s big and poofy and everything those books told me not to wear.
Language in writ is often very tenacious—sometimes the tone isn’t transmitted correctly by the writer. There is often times when we “hear” it in a tone different than was intended.
Then we often hear it just as it was intended, and that can just suck. 🙁
I think of clothes being “flattering” as WE wear the clothes, and it shows us off to advantage, not the clothes wearing us.
That said, I totally get what you mean….completely.
Great aricle! Thanks
I love this, because I adore a fluffy skirted dress, and refuse to care if it’s slimming or not.
I’ve been told many times that I’m confident for my size, and I dress well for my size. Never really understood it.
Oh, my, Mary, I think I may have used “flattering” when I saw your beautiful brown/black velvet dress. When I use flattering as a compliment, it is almost always referring to color. Some colors just light us up and others make us look like we have the stomach flu. The colors of that dress were a bit different than most of what you make and were very complimentary to your personal coloring. I sure hope I didn’t offend. Great conversation.
Best (really worst) back handed compliment I remember – from a school teacher, many years after school – I didn’t recongnize you, you’re so thin now. There went memories of years of inspirational teaching, in one moment.
Bravo!!! I loved your blog post! Hooray for your insight, and especially the comment that it is our bodies that make the outfit not the other way around.
I do understand where you’re coming from and how a lot of people may use wording that veils their unkind remarks. However, I have never thought of the term “flattering” in such a way and it wouldn’t bother me if someone used it. I do think I have used it in the past whilst commenting on others’ blogs — but the way I think of it as “that dress flatters you” — in that it’s becoming on you. Not that it hides any perceived flaws or makes one look thinner, but that the garment accentuates your beauty to the fullest. Clothing does not look truly beautiful until it adorns a figure.
With our Western society and it’s obsessive fixation on being thin, many acquaint “beauty” with “skinny” as that is how our culture perceives the epitome of beauty. So one remarking how “that makes you look thin” is what one person may consider a compliment. I don’t necessarily think of a person who says that as being rude although I’m sure that it would depend who that compliment was coming from. If it was coming from my best friend, I know that good intentions are there and she’s basically telling me that I’m rockin’ that dress. If it comes from a weight-obsessed acquaintance, I might think otherwise….
Most of the compliments I receive when out and about refer to how awesome my dress is or somewhere along those lines. I truly believe that most people don’t think much about what they’re saying and how their “compliment” really isn’t one. For those of us who took the time out to read this, it does make one think and to consider what they’re going to say before they say it.
Wow – you really struck a nerve – but I think it’s a great one. My pet peeve compliment is “you look great today!” for some reason I always take offense at the Today. What – I look like crap most other days? I am so far in the minority here – I’m not totally comfortable in my body and yes – sometimes I try to make clothes that make me look thinner – but most days I really don’t give a darn. I wear what I like and what makes me feel good, pretty and feminine. It’s hard . . . g
I agree with a lot of this article. I don’t necessarily have people saying it to me, but I’ve noticed a phenomenon of people describing particular patterns or garments as ‘flattering’ or discussing techniques to build outfits to ‘flatter’ figure, and it’s almost always to create optical illusions and make bodies look thinner. Which is a goal a lot of people have, and so it’s fine if they want to do that.
I really prefer to dress myself in clothes that make me feel pretty and comfortable – which may or may not be clothing that’s ‘flattering.’ This is an approach that makes me feel healthier when I dress myself and shop for/make clothes, and I really do shy away from the word because of that.
I understand where you are coming from on this, because one of my pet hates when younger was my mother saying ‘you’d look ever so nice with a bit of make-up on!’ Inevitably I would retort ‘so I don’t look nice now?’ I’m 56 now and she still doesn’t understand what annoys me about that remark. Having said that, I don’t read ‘flattering’ in the same way although you are correct in that most people think flattering means ‘makes you look thinner’ If I put on clothes that make me feel more like me, that emphasise my curves and my personality and make me feel HOT, then i call those flattering.
YEP.
Having lived in a size 14 and above body for many years now, I know that when people tell me something is flattering, they mean it makes me look thinner. I know when my clothes make me look thinner, and I notice that when they do, I get more compliments, and they tend to be of the “flattering” variety. It’s interesting, though, that others are saying they use “flattering” as a general “you look good” compliment. I can see how that would work, but for me, “flattering” definitely has a size connotation. As soon as I saw the title of this post, I knew what it would be about.
So, having defended the idea that “flattering” can equal “thinner,” now I say to Mary: hear, hear! I am so glad that you’re calling this equivalency out for the bullshit it is. Even if not everyone has the same connotation for “flattering,” I hope we can all agree that compliments based on greater adherence to arbitrary and oppressive beauty standards are no compliments at all. We need a new way of thinking about these things. I love this: “My body was making that tube of fabric look good, not the other way around.”